Calendula: Part One
by BEN-Beyond the Elusive Nomads
Summary: Part of Flower Series. 'I didn't care what they said, I had waited all my life for someone like him and I wasn't going to give him up without a fight.' OC/Mulciber
1. Prologue

**Calendula: Part One**

**Prologue **Successful

As I held Caralise's small, frail body close to my chest, as tears smeared across my cheeks and my breath hitched in my throat. Joy was my main emotion, followed by fear, and love. I hiccuped slightly and brushed her whisps of dark hair.

So many times…so many innocent deaths…all my fault. Memories assaulted me of every child I almost had. The pain was unbearable as I remembered when Austin found me, dieing on the bathroom floor, blood pooling around me…

I'm so glad I'm alive, and that's something I thought I'd never say.

As I looked down at Caralise's wonderful slumbering face, I realized I would do anything to protect her. I realized that I would live as full a life as I could. I knew that, no matter what, she would keep me tethered to this dark abysmal word as long as she needed me. I would fight to live, no matter what that damned hat claimed.

I was fighting my destiny. I couldn't leave this precious baby girl alone in the world, without a mother.

I looked at Austin, who looked so peaceful. It was a strange sight. He met my gaze, and I knew we were thinking the same thing. This baby was _ours._ They would have to pry her from our cold, dead arms if they wanted to separate us.

Unfortunately, I had a feeling those words were much too appropriate. There was a storm approaching, and I don't know how quickly it would be here, but I knew that things couldn't be like this forever. But I would go down fighting.

-

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Adelaide Vicknair, Professor Sicily and several others.

**A/N:** *Insert A/N Here*

Yours truly,  
B.E.N.


	2. The Lioness

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter One: **The Lioness

_Calendula: __The flower symbolism associated with the calendula is grief, despair and sorrow._

_._

I remember the first time I walked into the Great Hall with amazing clarity that took my breath away; more then that, I could remember the words that the sorting hat murmured to me, sending me into a wave of confusion.

'_You are an odd one,'_ it whispered, '_you have so many different qualities. You are very smart, definitely good for Ravenclaw, you would do wonderful things there…and then you have the loyalty of a Hufflepuff, you could do well there, but Ravenclaw would be better. And then Gryffindor! You would do wonders, even better then Ravenclaw! You would blossom into something wonderful; there is no doubt about that. I think I've reached a decision-'_

"_Wait!"_ I had thought and whispered simultaneously, the hat stopping with its mouth open and the crowd waiting. It closed the rip, and listened to me, _"How about Slytherin?"_

'_Slytherin?' _it asked in confusion, _'well…you would do well there, but not as well as Gryffindor. You are definitely cunning and sly, but your heart is that of a Gryffindor. So self sacrificing…'_

I quickly pulled up my memory of the train, of the boy I had sat with, Austin Mulciber. It was as if he pulled me too him, and I didn't want anything as stupid as house rivalries get between us. He said he wanted Slytherin, and therefore, that is what I wanted. The hat let out a breath in realization.

'_Ah, I see it now,' _he murmured, _I will let you choose based on these words: If you choose Gryffindor you will live a long prosperous life with a husband who dotes on you and worships you, but there is no true love. But Slytherin…if you choose Slytherin, you will most definitely find a love with more passion then you could imagine. You will die in attempt to protect him and your family. Which do you choose?'_

I was silent for a moment, and part of me thought that I was too young to make such a decision, but my heart knew its answer.

So, without another question, the hat cried out, 'SLYTHERIN!'

.

The compartment was empty, and I smiled before looking over my shoulder at my boyfriend and nodding. I was pushed in with a giggle, before he pushed me into my seat roughly and a soft pair of lips began pulling and tasting my own, his hands running over my body and leaving trails of fire on every inch of skin. He grasped my breast over my tight blouse and massaged me roughly, causing gasps to leave me in short bursts. I shifted in an attempt to sooth the fire that had irrupted between my legs.

"Do I make you hot?" he asked roughly, his breath flirting with my ear and causing shivers to run down my spine. His hand traveled further down and quickly unbuttoned my jeans, before slipping in and rubbing me through my knickers. I blushed as a loud moan tore through my throat and I bucked against him while my hands weaved into his hair and clung to him tightly, yanking hard on his hair. He chuckled and his motions quickened as he pressed his finger closer to me, and a soft cry of pleasure tore from my throat. I attempted to push my legs closer together, but his arm stopped them from getting too close.

"Are you going to answer me?" he asked roughly, "Or do I have to force an answer out of you?"

"Merlin, yes, you make me so fucking hot!" I cried out, shifting my hips against his. He chuckled before slipping his fingers under my knickers and pushed his fingers into me. I moaned shakily and twisted my hands into his hair and pulling down hard, relishing in the deep groan it forced from his throat.

We aren't normally so violent with each other, or crude, but we hadn't seen each other two months. I missed him, plain and simple. I didn't care that we were only fifteen, all that matters was that I was still a virgin, in the literal sense. We had gone pretty far (as you probably have already noticed) but we never went further then this.

He was Austin Mulciber, the boy of my dreams since I first saw him on the Hogwarts train four, almost five years ago. We had started dating in second year (rather young, really, but we both came from families that matured us quickly; mentally, I was about the same as a thirty year old when it comes to thinking things through) and this was our three-year anniversary. The whole damn school knew that we were inseparable, and a lot of Slytherin girls hated me, while a lot of Hogwarts boys hated him. We were easily some of the best looking people, and to them it wasn't fair that we got each other.

I didn't care what they said, I had waited all my life for someone like him and I wasn't going to give him up without a fight.

I came on his fingers with a cry of pleasure, and he smirked before removing his hand and staring at me as he licked off my juices with a smirk. My heart fluttered in my chest, and without a second thought I slipped down the zipper on his pants and prepared to return the favor.

I didn't mind doing these things for him, because it was him. I wasn't a common whore, I had more dignity then to go around riding other teenaged boys for my own needs. If I needed something, I went to Austin. If he wasn't available, I could do it myself.

In all honesty, I couldn't picture myself touching anyone but him like this. I never wanted to be with anyone else like this.

I know it's silly to think that way when we're still so young, but I already said how I was more advanced then most people our age. It wasn't simply infatuation, like it was the first year we dated. There were actual feelings there that warmed me from the inside out.

Whenever he held my hand, the warmth just seemed to fill me to the rim. It overwhelmed me, caused me to loose my breath, and made me feel as if nothing was wrong. I felt like there was just a heat radiating from me that warmed everything around me. It wasn't an unpleasant heat, which is saying something since I hated being hot yet I craved this feeling. It felt like my chest was collapsing and exploding simultaneously.

No one else did this to me. When he would look into my eyes and say nothing, I could read every word he was thinking as if it were written on his face. When he would kiss me, and hold me as if I were a doll, as if he held me too closely, to tightly, then I would shatter into a thousand microscopic pieces and leave him alone. When he touched me as if I were a queen, as if I deserved all of his feather light touches and kisses, as if he was the one unworthy of my love.

In truth, I was the only one unworthy of his love.

His hands twisted into my hair and tugged as he came into my mouth, his low groan filling the compartment. I waited patiently before pulling away, and he quickly used a charm to clean the both of us up. It was a feathery sensation against my skin that always caused me to giggle. He rolled his eyes and sat beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to him. I buried my head into his shoulder with a sigh, and we were silent.

We didn't need to talk. Our previous activities didn't affect the mood, didn't make it awkward. It was as if we had been silent the whole time, as if we were holding each other tightly like this the whole time.

As if we simply existed like this all the time.

.

The first month was complete bliss. We had all of our classes together, and the fact that our O.W.L.s would be coming at the end of the year did not affect us in the least. We spent every day together save for when it came time to sleep, and a few rare times in between. It wasn't until the last day of the month that I got a Floo call from a friend of ours.

"Annalisa?" her voice asked, and I turned to see Bellatrix Lestrange's head floating in the fire. No one else was here, Austin had already gone to bed, and I had been about ready to head up myself.

"Bellatrix?" I asked, "What are you doing here?" she smirked.

"Technically, I'm not _here,"_ she teased, "But I also bring you news on your Death Eater status." I mentally grimaced, but kept my face schooled. I had joined because of only one reason: Austin was a death eater. I didn't care that my parents adored me now, after fourteen years of indifference, or that I was now the most pretty and popular girl in Slytherin. I was the only female death eater in the entire school.

"What is it?" I asked curiously. She suddenly seemed a bit sympathetic at the moment, but it was very quick and I wouldn't be surprised if I had imagined it, and she was otherwise overjoyed at the idea of having another female death eater.

"Well, the Dark Lord has been taking all of you into consideration," she said in a very blasé fashion, "and given your looks and reputation, he's decided that you would be the perfect candidate for recruiting some more Death Eaters while they're still young." I didn't find this odd.

"Okay, what am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"First, break it off with Mulciber, and second, begin seducing as many possible death eaters as you can."

If I had been drinking anything, I would have spit it out. As it was, my breath caught in my throat and I began to cough. Bellatrix raised an eyebrow and I tried to stabilize myself.

"You want me to start seducing people!" I asked incredulously. She nodded.

"If I were still in Hogwarts, I would gladly do this for the Dark Lord," she began, and for a moment I tuned out her rant. The Dark Lord wanted me to, basically, become a whore. Great, that really makes me feel appreciated. But I bit down my tongue, and thought it all over.

Did I really want to face a handful of Crucio's sent by the most deadly wizard in the past forty years? No. So, did I really have a choice?

I swallowed down my pride, and nodded in agreement.

"I'll do it," I answered. Bellatrix smiled, and laughed. I winced at how utterly insane she sounded.

"Brilliant!" she said, "Well, you better get started. You first target is to be Sirius Black."

"Wait, what!" I asked loudly, watching her as if she were mental (she probably was, really) and she raised an eyebrow, though I could tell she was amused. I continued anyways: "Sirius is a _Gryffindor. _He hates Slytherin and loves mudbloods. How the hell will I convince him!" Bellatrix smiled coyly.

"Annalisa, darling, look at yourself in the mirror," she said, "You have a perfect figure and for all we know you could make a living as a porn star with that ass and those boobs," I think she meant it as a complement, but honestly I was offended: I was a virgin, for christs sake! Not to mention I was only fifteen! She didn't notice and continued, "Flirt a bit, show off your cleavage, whatever it takes to make him change his mind."

"…Okay," I agreed after a moment, "I guess I over reacted." She smiled.

"Good girl," she cooed, "Now, I'll check up on you in a month. Ciao."

And her head disappeared, leaving me to think over what I had just agreed to do.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Adelaide Vicknair, Professor Sicily and several others.

**A/N:** It's funny, because Annalisa started out as a minor character who was used to seduce Peter, and turned into one of my favorites because of her personality, and how different she is from what you might assume. As seen from chapter fifteen, she cares for Mulciber but has her own position as a Death Eater to consider. It's truly heart wrenching. ::sniffles::

Each time there is a -M- it means that it is a lemon/lime and you should be warned. Please tell me what you think!

B.E. Noamds


	3. Confrontation

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Two: **Confrontation

The knowledge of my choice ate away at me for the rest of the day. My heart twisted and my stomach felt as if it were going to empty itself on the first person I saw. I was always by Austin's side, but that only seemed to make me even sicker. My heard was throbbing, and I constantly found myself close to tears.

It was eight o'clock when I finally managed to pull myself together and approach him. He was lounging on the couch with some of the other Death Eaters, playing a game of exploding snap. He was having a good time. I wanted to smack myself for what I was about to do with him. I walked behind the couch and leaned down so my mouth was aligned with his ear.

"I need to talk to you," I whispered softly. He glanced at me, worry clear on his face.

"Oi, Avery, take over for me," he demanded. The teen did as asked and Austin wasted no time to lead me up to his dorm. It was completely empty, and everyone was downstairs enjoying the fire.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately after placing a silencing charm on the door. I bit down on my lip.

"I don't think this is working out," I lied, biting down harshly on my bottom lip the moment I said it. Austin fixed me with a long, hard stare.

"What?" he asked, his voice deathly calm. I whimpered.

"I-I don't think that this…us…is going to work anymore," I tried to say it with confidence, but it didn't work. I sounded pathetic. Austin apparently thought so too, because he laughed. It was a cold laugh that sent chills down my spine. It made him look like he was only inches from diving off the deep end.

"Who put you up to this?" he asked suddenly, "What kind of sick joke is this?"

"I-It's not a joke," I stuttered, "I mean, I…I…" I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to lie to him. I could lie to everyone else, but not him, never him. He knew this. He always knew this. He knew this even know, when I expected his anger and hurt to cloud his judgment.

"Dammit, Annalisa!" he snarled, slamming his fist against a bedpost, causing me to jump in surprise and squeak like a mouse, "Stop fucking with me!"

"I'm sorry!" I cried in a panic.

"Who asked you to do this!" Austin roared. His eyes were burning with anger and pain, and I felt as if he had taken a rusty knife and stabbed my heart, twisting it in my chest over and over again. I could only imagine what he was feeling.

"Bellatrix!" I admitted it before I even realized what had happened. He froze, and for a moment he looked as if he were carved from stone. He looked like a vengeful god.

"Why?" he asked finally, "Why did she ask you to do this?" I swallowed back my tears and attempted to tell him without breaking down. I knew it wouldn't work, but I had to try. I had to keep strong. All my bad memories were resurfacing. I could hear my father's screams as clear as day. I could hear my mothers drunken sobs as she kneeled over my fathers body, his brains splattered over the backdrop. I could see my brother lying in his casket.

"It's the only way I could become a Death Eater," I whispered, "Bellatrix was the one who told me of the Dark Lords decisions. He said that I would…be able to use my body to help him get what he wants. Get who he wants. Change peoples minds. Bellatrix ordered me to dump you and get started on my first assignment."

"Why didn't you turn the offer down?" He snapped.

"Because I rather like living thank you!" I snapped, before I shrunk back in fear, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His eyes softened and he looked at me in confusion and self-loathing.

"I didn't mean to scare you," He murmured, stepping forward and wrapping me in a warm hug, "I never mean to scare you. I'm sorry." I relaxed instantly, my body melding into his and giving me a feeling of completeness. I felt whole again.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, "I did this for you. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted to help."

"I would have always been proud of you, no matter what," He murmured, pressing his lips to my temple. That sent me over the edge and I began sobbing, pressing myself closer to him in search of comfort. His grip tightened and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would have never done it."

"It's my fault," he countered, shaking his head, "I made you feel like you had to do something to be with me. You never had to do this. I would still love you. I'll always love you."

As he spoke I was overwhelmed by how true those words were, for both of us. Ever since I was little, I had thought that there was no such thing as love. It was a myth. It didn't exist. Growing up with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, both with suicidal and homicidal tendencies, lead me to believe that love was simply made up. Love was a word created to justify the things people do with each other, to justify their actions. That way, when asked 'why did you sleep with them' you could respond with 'because I love them'. A bullshit excuse that seemed to work.

Now, standing there in Austin Mulciber's arms, I realized that there really were some beautiful things in this dark, hellish world. So I said something I had never planned on saying, never believed I would say, never thought would be truthful.

"I love you," I said, my voice surprisingly strong when I felt so weak, "I love you so much it hurts. You make me doubt everything I ever learned about life, made me doubt my way of life. And I'm so glad you did."

He kissed me. This kiss was amazing, sent chills down my spine and made my toes curl. I had kissed him many, many times, but this…this was a whole new feeling. His lips moved against mine softly, lovingly. It was perfect. His tongue snuck out and pressed against my lip, and I reacted instantly, opening my mouth to him and letting our tongues intertwine. His hands gripped my hips tightly and pulled me closer to him. I felt like I could never be close enough.

I knew where this was going to lead before it even got close to that far. I knew that, with my admission, he was completely determined to make me his in every way possible. I also knew that I wanted him in every way, any way.

"Are you sure?" Austin asked as he pulled away slightly, our breath mingling. I knew he felt it too, he also knew where this was heading. We didn't always need to talk to know what the other was thinking.

"I've never been surer," I whispered, meeting his gaze. The amount of passion I saw terrified me, it honestly did, and I was scared. I was scared that everything would fall apart if we did this, that we would turn into my parents, that I would irritate and harass him to the brink of suicide. That I would take out my grief and anger on my own children.

And when we kissed again, I knew that I would never do that, that we would never be that. It was impossible.

His lips moved with mine in perfect synchronization, his tongue slowly exploring my mouth and his hands tugging at my skirt. I gently pushed him away while attempting to keep our lips connected as my hands unzipped my skirt and allowed it to pool around my feet. I realized at some point that we would have to pull away, because as arousing as the idea of shagging only partially undressed sounded, I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted it to be everything.

I stepped out of my skirt and slowly pulled my shirt up and over my hear and tossed it aside, hearing him following my lead. This was so much calmer then I was used to our relationship being, and part of me missed his hot kisses and his violent caresses. This was something new, unknown territory. I slipped out of my shoes and pushed my socks aside before looking up and meeting his gaze. He wasn't quite there yet, this I could see, but if his eyes gave away anything it was that he wanted me.

I stepped forward and pressed my lips to his softly as he placed his hands daintily on my hips, his thumbs moving in gentle circles. He tugged on my hand and without a word I followed him to his bed, a place I had only dreamed of being until now. He turned us around before I took a seat on the edge. We stopped kissing so I could center myself on the bed and he followed my example, draping himself over me and pressing his lips against the hallow of my throat.

"I love you," I whispered, and he groaned slightly.

"I love hearing you say that," he murmured, his fingers brushing against my sides and gently making their way up to my chest, "Say it again."

I obliged, whispering my love for him over and over again while he basked in it, his fingers gently toying with my breast before skimming along my stomach to the junction of my thighs. He pressed a finger into me slowly, making me gasp and grind my hip against his hand. I trailed my hands down his chest before taking his length in my hands, massaging him as I pressed kisses to his neck. I was amazed at how my touched affected him, wondering how it was even possible.

I pulled away and our lips met again, his skin wonderfully soft against mine and causing tremors to run through me. It was when he removed his finger from me and grasped my hips that I realized that we would be each others firsts. A blush erupted against my skin, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me this is making you nervous," he said softly. I knew he meant it to be funny, but his voice couldn't seem to rise above a whisper. He looked just as nervous as I was.

"It's ridiculous, I know," I murmured, running my fingers along his chest and watching the way his muscles jumped slightly, "We've done things much raunchier then this, but…I'm scared I might not be good enough for you." He chuckled, not helping my embarrassment in the slightest, and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"You'll always be good enough for me," he promised, and without warning he slid in to me. The intrusion made me gasp in a mixture of awe and pain and caused tears to spring up in the corner of my eyes. I shifted under him and readjusted so my arms were looped around his neck. When he pushed through my hymn I couldn't stop the whimper and tears that broke through. He paused and placed his forehead against mine, his breath washing against my face.

It was only when I began grinding against him that he continued, and all feeling of pain melted into ecstasy. This was so much better then anything we had ever done before. So much more intimate. It felt like he was a part of me, like we were meant to be. He let out a big _whoosh_ of breath and hesitated before he began pulling out again. I clinched my eyes shut and knew that my eyes had rolled into the back of my head.

"Oh god," I whispered, and he chuckled, "Don't stop."

He didn't answer me with words. Instead he pushed back into me, twisting his fingers in my hair and tugging lightly. I opened my eyes to see him watching my face, and for another moment I felt very insecure. But then I saw the emotion reflected in his eyes and I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of. He loved every part of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

As we reached our high together, we never let our eyes stray from each other for long. No matter who would close their eyes or glance down at our conjoined bodies, we would always make eye contact again. It was only towards the end, when the coil that had taken root in my womb began to tighten to unbearable heights and my whimpers and moans became more and more frequent that our concentration snapped and he buried his forehead into my shoulder with a groan. His thrusts became more and more erratic, his pants grew harsher, and his muscles quivered in anticipation.

It was then I began whispering nothings in his ear, things I can no longer remember but know that at the time held an enormous amount of meaning, that we both came undone. As my inner walls clenched around him and his seed spilled into me stars flashed behind my eyelids, which had closed somewhere in the throes of passion. Our breathing was labored and our muscles straining. I knew that I would be sore in the morning, but this was worth it.

"I love you," I murmured when I managed to catch my breath, "god, I love you."

His answer was a soft kiss that said so much more then words ever could.

.

I was a coward. I waited two and a half weeks to make my move on Sirius Black. I had no idea what to do, honestly, but I did know that I would fail. I'd observed how he interacted with his friends, with his enemies. He was as strong-willed and thickheaded as any Gryffindor. Of course, this mindset was what led me to failure, which led me to hiding in the bathroom and trying to figure out what the _hell_ I was going to tell Bella.

"Anna? You have a floo call."

I held back a groan and stood, whipping off my skirt before slipping out of the door. Indeed, in the girls fireplace (when you're located in the dungeon, it would be stupid to not have a fireplace) floated Bella's head. I quickly shooed the other girls out and locked the door.

"So? How'd it go?" Bella asked once everyone disappeared. I groaned.

"Terrible," I said bluntly, taking a seat in front of the hearth, "I tried, I really did, but he's really, _really _stubborn."

"How'd he react?" Bella asked, considerably less happy then a moment ago. I raised an eyebrow.

"He said, 'leave me alone you snake loving, good-for-nothing Death Eater'," I recited word for word. Bella sighed angrily, and I had the faint impression that if she were standing she would have stomped her foot."

"Well, we don't need him anyway," she snarled, "Avery is going to take you to the next meeting on Saturday so you can get your Dark Mark. Aren't you excited?" Oh god, this woman was completely mental. According to Austin the mark hurt worse then the cruciatus curse. I kept my face neutral, though, and I nodded.

"Alright," I agreed, "I'll be there." Her head disappeared without a goodbye, and I couldn't help but groan. Loudly. For what seemed like the hundredth time, I wondered what on earth possessed me to go through with this. Sure, I had nothing against Death Eaters, quite the opposite really. I sighed and dug the heels of my palm into my eyes before getting up. I needed to get out of here. I stood quickly and quickly slipped on some shoes, before dashing out of the dorm, heading down the stairs, and out of the common room.

When the dungeon air hit my skin I couldn't help but shiver. I thought about going back in and grabbing my robe, but decided against it. Instead I hurried out of the dungeons and towards the Great Hall. I wasn't sure where I was heading, but I still had a while until curfew. I wasn't really thinking about anything, and when I did make it to the entrance hall I stopped and glanced around.

Well, that was a great plan. Now what?

I rolled my eyes; I needed to think things through a bit more. I ditched the hall then and moved towards the Library, where maybe I could find something interesting to read. I paid no mind to the few other students that were milling about, and rounded a corner. I collided with something warm and obviously human, but while they tumbled backwards to the ground I kept my footing, only stumbling back two steps.

It was a Gryffindor girl with short blonde hair and sharp blue eyes. Her face was slightly scrunched up, but she wasn't unpleasant looking. Just average. God, I'm vain. The first thing I realize about a person is whether they're hot or not. She quickly got to her feet, and I finally recognized her as Mary MacDonald.

"Watch where you're going, snake!" she snarled angrily, her face screwing up even more in her anger. My eyebrows jerked up in surprise, and I felt my lips twist in a sneer.

"MacDonald," I hissed, "is that any way to talk to your superiors?" MacDonald snorted and looked me up and down as if I had just told her the sky was purple and the grass was orange.

"The only person I see here is bint who can't keep her knickers on for more then five minutes," she retorted. Normally, this insult wouldn't have bothered me, but after all that I'd gone through today it made me snap. So, in a blur of anger I withdrew my wand and jabbed the tip under her jaw, making her sputter incoherently.

"Mudblood bitch," I snarled, pressing my wand even closer, "say that again. I _dare_ you." I saw Mary's eyes widen slightly in fear, and then I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. I glanced back and saw Austin standing there, a possessive gleam in his eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked, glaring heavily at MacDonald. I flipped my hair over my shoulder, knowing it would irritate her.

"She just insulted me," I said simply, knowing he needed no more prompting and that alone would make him angry. If the way his grip on my shoulder tightened was any indication, then I was right.

"Watch yourself, MacDonald," he growled. Need shot through me like a rocket and slowly, I lowered my wand. MacDonald scurried off almost immediately, and as soon as she turned the corner and threw myself at Austin, pressing my lips to his. He returned the kiss without a second thought, but pulled away after a moment.

"Not that I don't mind, but what brought this about?" he asked, arching an eyebrow slightly. I kissed him again before answering.

"Where's the nearest place we can go without getting interrupted?" I asked, and I felt his lips turn upward in a grin.

"Well, there's that empty classroom-,"

I didn't let him finish that thought and quickly began leading him through the twists and turns of Hogwarts.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Caralise Mulciber, Adelaide Vicknair/Black, Caryn Gree, and other misc. OC's.

**A/N:** I love the beginning, their argument. It's so powerful (I thought). Also, you can see that this Annalisa is very different from the Annalisa in two years time (this is still happening in their fifth year), a lot less headstrong and a lot less…manipulative? Yeah, manipulative. She's really innocent in comparison to the older her. Much more breakable. Also, I added the confrontation last minute to show that Annalisa really is Death Eater material, and she really does dislike muggleborns. :D

Tell me what cha think.

Yours truly,  
B.E.N.


	4. Peter

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Three: **Seventh Year

I was completely silent as McGonagall talked about our NEWTS. I idly twirled a strand of hair around my finger, but my attention kept switching over to Austin. His arms were crossed tightly across his chest and he was glaring at the table top. I bit down on my lip, before carefully replacing my 'calm, cool, collected' mask back in place.

"Avery talked to you, didn't he?" I murmured softly. Austin grunted an affirmative. I sighed angrily, "Do you honestly believe anything he says?"

"I'm not in the mood, Annalisa!" he hissed. I snorted.

"You were certainly in the mood last night," I said. He sent me a glare from the corner of his eye, but it did nothing to faze me. I was used to this. Besides, the makeup sex would be bloody fantastic. I decided to cut straight to the chase, "I told you before hand I would have to see someone this morning. Why does this come as a shock to you every time?"

"Because you had your tongue shoved down his throat!" he hissed, "You're supposed to find someone likely to get into the Order, not some prick who only wants to get into your knickers!"

"He was a Gryffindor, I though he might be a good candidate!" I responded truthfully. Austin snorted again, but he seemed to relax slightly. I placed my hand on his arm, "Look, I'm sorry. I don't like this any more then you do. At least I don't go around snogging your friends. That would be so much worse."

"As long as I'm the only one who can touch you I don't care who you snog," he responded, his voice taking on a new tone. I tried not to smirk; he was thinking about the makeup sex too. As they say, great minds think alike. I wondered how far we could get if we were careful, but an agonizing pain shot through my arm and I hissed out, clenching my jaw to try and keep from crying out in pain. From the corner of my eye I saw Austin's grip on his forearm tighten. The Dark Lord was busy today. This was the third time this morning the mark had started to burn. I unconsciously gripped my arm, and my mind flew back to the day I was branded.

_Avery led me to the meeting that took place in the Room of Requirement, a room that the Dark Lord himself had told us about. When we arrived there was a brief outburst on the subject of my sex._

"_A women? What the hell dose the Dark Lord-"_

"_No way in hell-"_

"_She'll not make it a day!"_

"_Shut up!" Evan Rosier hissed. He was a seventh year and the designated official who voiced the Dark Lords wishes, "the Dark Lord wishes for her to join. Who are you to question his judgment?" That silenced everyone immediately, and I remember several people who were there. Two third years, Bartemius Crouch Jr. and Regulus Black, stood near the back with indifferent expressions save for their dark eyes. There was Severus Snape, who looked slightly out of place seeing as how he was friends with a mudblood (at the time), and a Gryffindor no less._

_I had spotted Austin next to our fellow fifth years, Crabbe, Goyle, Dolohov, and Gibbon. There was Yaxley, Selwyn, and several people that were hidden in shadows. At the time I barely kept my fear suppressed. They were all intimidating, even the third years I knew to have not actually been granted the Mark. The Dark Lord had no time for third years._

_It was Rosier who lifted up my sleeve and barred my arm to his wand that now looked like an instrument of torture. I gulped involuntarily, but otherwise made no move to stop him. He began murmuring a string of Latin phrases that I barely understood. As a searing pain began to build in my arm I began focusing all my attention on his smooth voice, trying to translate the words. I bit down on my lip, keeping my whimpers carefully locked in the back of my throat. I didn't need anything else to make me unworthy._

I broke from my reverie as I heard the sounds of chairs scraping against the floor. We quickly copied the others, grabbing our stuff and lining against the wall.

"Do you know what's going on?" I whispered, and Austin shook his head.

"James Potter, Lily Evans, if you could sit here," McGonagall instructed, answering my question, "And Vanessa Wolfe and Remus Lupin, take a seat here…"

"Assigned seats," I groaned, and Austin pressed his hand lightly against my lower back. I kept myself from melting into his side and instead attempted to focus on McGonagall's seating assignments. She was halfway through the roll when I was finally called, and to my disgust I was placed next to the sniveling fool known as Peter Pettigrew. My disappointment was lessened when Austin got a seat on my other side next to Caryn Gree. I saw the way the Gryffindor eyed him, but when Austin looked at me with a 'Merlin save me' look I knew better then to be jealous. McGonagall suddenly spoke, and I realized she had finished positioning people.

"Since that took more time then I had anticipated, I'm going to let you converse to your partner, _and only your partner_, so you can be at least civilized to each other. If things get to loud," at this she looked at the back where the marauders (James, Sirius, and Remus specifically) were setting, "I will assign you all homework." I sighed, wanting nothing more then to ignore the blob beside me, but quickly realized he was a marauder. If anyone were to join the Order, it was them. We slowly faced each other and I sent him a faux smile.

"Annalisa Bertucci," I purred, fighting the urge to smirk as he gulped and his gaze flickered to my slightly unbuttoned blouse.

"P-Peter," he said simply, coughing lightly into his fist and averting his gaze from me completely. I felt my lip twitch, but schooled my expression quickly: I would not let my emotions ruin yet another spy attempt.

"I don't believe I've seen you around," I said smoothly, running my fingertips lightly along my collar. His eyes darted between my face and my neck, and he looked like he was a bout to jizz his pants then and there. I crossed my legs and his eyes sped to my thigh, back to my neck and then to my face. I totally had him.

"I – ah – we've never, um, had any classes together," he managed to get out. I hummed slightly, silently thinking through my next actions while I kept brushing my fingers against my skin. I couldn't just jump into it with someone so closely intertwined with such strong-willed, accomplished wizards. He would immediately get suspicious, and then I would be ratted out. I had to be careful about this.

All these thoughts sped through my mind quickly. I was so used to thinking this through that I didn't need much time to linger like I did when I was younger, less accomplished. I had successfully pulled dozens of previously undecided Slytherins to the Dark Lord side. Simple phrases could make even the most strong-willed person waver enough for a seed to be planted and take over their thoughts until they were completely under my thumb.

I kept up my mask and continued to be very nice and beguiling, luring him in to a false sense of security. Soon he was spilling his guts to me on his past, and I carefully analyzed his every sentence in the time I was allowed. He wasn't exactly a fast talker, so it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. I was simply soaking it all in, prepared to use everything against him.

When he spoke of James, Sirius, and Remus he did so with a sense of fanatical devotion, almost obsessive. Those ties could easily be broken with the right poking, the right words and the right time with the right sound. Words were simply words unless they were spoken with the right inflection, the right _shape._ It was like casting spells. I guess you could liken what I did to a spell, but this was so much more complex.

The bell rang and Peter was cut off mid-sentence. I saw the disappointment in his features, and I smiled kindly, "I guess our time is up. Listen, if you ever need to chat, just come to me. An unbiased outsider, if you will." He agreed and I watched as he stumbled out of the room with his friends, sans Sirius who stood at the back talking to Adelaide Vicknair, the girl I both hated and idolized at the same time. I felt Austin's large hand grasp the nape of my neck, brushing my hair over my shoulder as he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Am I going to have to watch out for Peter?" he joked, pressing his lips below my ear, "are you suddenly attracted to talking lumps?" I giggled, turning my head to press a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away from his intoxicating touch and slinging my bag over my shoulder. We walked out of the room before he tugged me into a hidden passage way. His lips connected with mine in a blaze of passion, his tongue completely dominating mine. He pulled away all too soon, with a dangerous smirk. I was completely dazed, my mind fuzzy and incoherent.

"Something to keep you going until lunch," he purred before darting away, leaving me breathless and aching. He always did that to me, even with something as simple and innocent as a kiss. Though, I don't think the word 'innocent' ever applied to him.

With a small, satisfied smile, I headed off to Charms.

.

Before I knew it, the sun had set and I was alone in the girls dormitory, debating whether to inform Bellatrix of this development of not. Telling her would mean that I would most likely have to snog Peter on a regular basis, which was definitely less then appealing. It also meant I would be snogging a blood-traitor, and that was even less appealing. On the flip side, Austin would be more possessive then usual.

With a sigh, I tossed the floo into the fireplace and contacted Bellatrix. I was not surprised to see her lounging on the couch with Rodolphus. She turned her head towards the hearth with faint interest, and her face brightened as she recognized me.

"Annalisa! What news do you have?" she asked eagerly.

"I believe I have found someone to give the Dark Lord the insight he needs in the order," I said, broaching the subject headfirst, "Peter Pettigrew. A Gryffindor and one of the Marauders, but if his actions say anything he is easily swayed and with some time and patience, I could have him under my thumb in a matter of weeks. After that, he's as good as ours."

"He's one of Sirius' friends, isn't he?" Rodolphus asked, and I nodded. A delighted, twisted grin spread across Bellatrix's face.

"Even better!" She laughed manically, her eyes gleaming and causing me to instinctively back up a fraction of an inch, "Forget all your other endeavors. Focus completely on Pettigrew."

I took that as my cue to leave, and if the gleams in their eyes were anything to go by I knew better then to stay a minute longer. They may not have loved each other, but they lusted feverishly after each others body enough that given an excuse they would go at it like dogs in heat. I didn't want an eyeful of that, not in a lifetime. I stood, wincing as my knees popped, and brushed off my skirt absently as I mulled over this new information.

In a way, this was an amazing turn. I wouldn't be as occupied, and more of my time could be focused completely on Austin. On the other hand, I would have to spend a huge amount of time earning Peter's trust, using his weaknesses to my advantage. I needed to get this right. One mistake would cause this to come crumbling down. I would be tortured for my failure, something I didn't want to go through ever again.

I knew I would need help, so I headed down stairs and easily spotted one Severus Snape sitting by the fire scribbling furiously in a book. I passed Austin on my way towards him and softly brushed my fingers against his back before approaching the greasy-haired teen. He glanced up from his work as I stopped in front of his chair.

"Yes?" He asked shortly. I knew for a fact he had no patience for me, or my job. Our conversations usually consisted of him ridiculing my position in the ranks. So, I didn't bother sugar coating things and cut straight to the chase.

"I would appreciate it if you could teach me about becoming a Legilimens," I said, "I have a target who can be potentially useful to the Dark Lord and I don't want to risk messing up. If I could get an insight into his mind, it would reduce the failure rate." Snape raised an eyebrow, looking thoroughly amused. I fought the urge to sigh, and I knew that he was searching through my thoughts, not because I could detect him but because it was his way of making sure I was telling the truth.

"Perhaps," he agreed after a moment, "if it is that imperative-,"

"I do not wish to be tortured should I fail," I cut him off, a hint of desperation leaking, unbidden, into my tone as I remembered how my previous failure with Sirius Black had been handled. Snape took note of this and nodded once, a sharp jerky movement of his head.

"Fine," he said sharply, "I'll help you. But only this once." I was immediately relieved, and smiled in appreciation.

"Thank you," I sighed. He just returned to his book and I hurried back over to Austin, pressing my lips close to his ear, "Walk with me?" He glanced up at me and didn't answer verbally, just got up and followed me out of the common room. I darted through the long, never ending hallways until we came to the stairwell, where the sounds of staircases rubbing against each other filled the room.

"Quickly," I murmured, "To the Room of Requirement."

"Why there?" he asked as we barely made it off a set of stairs before the set moved.

"Privacy," I returned, tugging him to another staircase. Unfortunately, the steps moved as soon as we reached the middle, and we had to take another rout. When we finally reached our destination on the Seventh floor, we defiantly felt out of place. This was Gryffindor territory now. I paced three times, and a simple door appeared. We darted inside before a student could stumble along, and the room was decorated in a simple manner, similar to the dorms with only a single bed pressed against the far wall.

I was nervous as I dropped his hand and walked over to the bed, laying down and staring at the beautifully painted cealing, images moving in an abstract mess that was both enthralling and distracting. I felt the mattress dip down as Austin took his place beside me, propping himself up to watch me with a carefully guarded expression.

"You only take me here when you have something unpleasant to tell me," he finally said after a pause. I sighed and smiled slightly.

"Or to shag," I said, and he laughed.

"Well, then there's usually more…_interesting_ décor," he said, rolling over and draping himself over my body, his knee wedged between my thighs and his lips gently brushing against mine with each word he spoke, "Unless you want to do something a bit more tame then normal. I'll be happy to oblige." I felt my lips twitch up and my eyes crinkle as I attempted to hold back my laughter.

"I actually have something to tell you," I said, managing to finally bite back my giggled. He raised an eyebrow and his hand began to slowly move up my thigh. I held back a sigh, "It's about my job." His hand stopped immediately, and his eyes hardened as he steeled himself for whatever might come next from my lips. I frowned, before reaching out and toying with his loose tie.

"It's a good thing, I guess," I murmured, "but I have to focus all my efforts on Peter Pettigrew-,"

"That pathetic lump?"

"-He's easily swayed and has good connections," I continued, "and if I focus all my attempts on him then I have more time for just you. Overall, it's a better situation. He's too timid to try anything further then snogging, that much is obvious."

"Then why were you talking to Snape?" he asked as he began to slowly work his hand up my skirt, brushing the pads of his fingers against my hip before he tugged my knickers down slowly, causing my heart to stutter. He was obviously disinterested in the conversation and simply making small talk while he tried to undress me. I lifted my hips and began to slowly unbutton his shirt.

"I'm getting him to teach me Legilimency," I admitted, "At least enough for me to get a peek into Pettigrew's mind. I can't – oh, do that again," I cut off as he pressed his thumb against my core. He chuckled, and I tried to focus on the words coming our of my mouth, "I can…er…I can't mess up this time. This is a – oh god – a very good opportunity for us."

He hummed softly before pressing his lips lightly against my neck, "Do we have to go back to the common room soon?" I shook my head and ran my fingers along his finally bare chest, his shirt unbuttoned and simply begging to be taken off.

"We've got thirty minutes," I replied, and his response was a fiery kiss that melted my insides and made my toes curl.

.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Caralise Mulciber, Adelaide Vicknair/Black, Caryn Gree, and other misc. OC's.

**A/N:** OMG a chapter WITHOUT sex! :D Well, without explicit sex. It has implied sex. There'll be lots of that. And explicit sex. There'll just be tons and tons of sex. They're like rabbits, or lions in heat. And speaking of sex, did you know a pig can have an orgasm for up to 30 minutes?

Yours truly,  
B.E.N.


	5. The Library

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Four:** The Library

**Pretty graphic…well, very graphic. Think it might be the best lemon I've ever written. Seriously. So…be warned.**

I had a choice to make, and it was one of those simple choices that didn't have any effect on your life whatsoever. I just had to figure out what the hell I was going to wear to this little Halloween shindig. I already knew I was going with Austin, and he said I could go as a Nudist, but if I did we wouldn't make it out of the common room. The moment that Dumbledore announced it (he's about lost his mind, I'll tell you that right now) I began thinking on it. Now I only had a week to figure out what I wanted to be. One week.

I'm one of those girls that take care to look like a queen. The fact that I've had such difficulty with this infuriated me to no end, which led me to complaining to Austin, which led to the very compromising position we were in now.

"I can't – urgh – think of anything," I panted out as he thrust his fingers into me, curling them in a come-hither motion, and nipped gently along my jaw.

"I like my idea," he murmured, and I lightly slapped his shoulder. I ground my hips into his fingers, aching to bring him deeper, but he just pulled away and unbuckled his trousers. Before he could free himself, I flipped him on his back and pressed my center against his throbbing erection. I slowly moved my hips over his, taunting him as he often taunted me.

"Do you really want anyone else seeing me completely nude?" I whispered, leaning down and running my tongue over the salty, delicious skin of his chest. He growled and fisted his hands angrily into my hair, giving a harsh yank.

"Don't remind me," he hissed. I moaned as he thrust his hips up against me, my eyes flitting to the back of my head.

"How about – uhm – a sexy pirate?" I asked, naming the first thing to come to my mind. He snorted, but it was very faint. He pressed his fingers, the ones that had been deep inside of me, against my lips and I complied without complaint, taking his delicious digits into my mouth and teasing him with licks and nips.

"God, Annalisa," he groaned, "but a pirate? If you're trying to fulfill my secret desires you're doing a very poor job at it." I chuckled and slipped out his fingers so I could speak. I met his gaze, and I saw his eyes darken in lust,

"So you want to dress up?" I purred, "I didn't know that. You are a naughty boy, aren't you?" He smirked playfully and flipped us over again, thrusting against me. The rough fabric of his trousers drove me mental.

"You know it," he growled, leaning down and nipping on my ear. I hummed and trailed my fingers down his sinful chest, feeling his muscles shiver and tighten in response.

"How about a vampire?" I asked, thrusting my hips up to meet his, "I can wear a black velvet cape, and bite you all night long."

"Only a black cape?" he grunted, yanking my shirt open impatiently and attacking my chest with ravenous kisses.

"Mmhm. And black boots. You like those knee high ones, don't you?" He groaned as he remembered the one time I wore them.

"God, yes," he groaned, "But maybe later. Try something else." I sighed, and tried to think up some of his darkest desires. It was difficult with his lips and teeth abusing my breasts and his hips grinding against mine.

"Er…Missus Claus?" I asked. He glanced up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Bit muggle, isn't it?" he asked. I grinned.

"But you knew who she was," I responded. He shrugged and tugged down my skirt, staring greedily and licking his lips in anticipation. I gasped as he pressed his lips to me, running his tongue along me and gently nipping the sensitive flesh. It was hard for me to think with his face between my legs, his tongue massaging my aching pussy…

When had I gotten so vulgar? I don't think I've ever said that word before, let alone thought it.

"Save that for Christmas," he said, and I blushed slightly in a mixture of embarrassment and excitement.

"I could be a cat," I murmured, "wear a tiny leotard that clings to my body, fishnet stockings, stilettos, a tail…" I trailed of and his hands grasped my hips even tighter, nails digging into my skin.

"That sounds more like a dominatrix," he murmured with an evil grin, "not at all fit to be seen in public." I groaned as he parted me with his fingers and dove deeper, my muscles contracting and trying to pull his sinful tongue deeper within me.

"I have an idea," I said, my eyes gleaming with excitement. He glanced up and pulled away slightly.

"What?" he asked, before restarting. I groaned, momentarily distracted as the coil in my stomach tightened so much it was painful.

"I could – ah…" I couldn't finish my sentence, I was completely incoherent as my hips thrust up, my legs clenched around his face, my fingers dug into my scalp and yanked on my hair, "Don't stop. Please don't – ah! – stop." He chuckled, the motion sending me into my orgasm with surprising ferocity. I was panting as I tried to gather myself, but he was still lapping away at my folds like a satisfied cat with a fresh saucer of milk.

"You taste amazing," he growled, slowly pulling himself up and positioning himself over me, "I could live off of you. Your smell, your taste, your sounds."

"The feeling's mutual," I managed to gasp out, "but I was saying – I could go as a healer." He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, because that's really sexy," he drawled. I laughed, trailing my hands down his chest and grabbing his length in my hands to begin to return the favor.

"Think of it," I purred as I pushed his pants down and ran my thumb over his tip and smearing the liquid that was quickly gathering there, "like the muggle nurses in those pin up adds." He raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged my shoulders, "I was a curious child. But let me paint you a little picture." I flipped us over again, and I knew that the Hogwarts beds weren't going to last much longer, especially with Austin and me going at it like rabbits. I straddled his legs and looked down at his cock before glancing back at him with a wicked grin.

"I'll be wearing a short white dress," I purred, leaning down and gently licking up his length, "white stockings with little red bows on the top," I sucked gently on his tip, swirling my tongue over his delicious skin. He groaned and clenched his fists at his side, "white heels, maybe two inches high, and a little hat that sits just so on my head. I'll unbutton my shirt, and you'll see a bit of black lace peeking out to say hello."

"I like how this sounds," he groaned, "but I think that we should take advantage of the empty dorms instead."

"Like we are now?" I asked, and he chuckled.

"Exactly like we are now, except one little difference," he pulled me up and grinned wickedly, sending chills of anticipation down my spine, "get on your hands and knees."

"Oh, I like how _this _sounds," I purred, complying without any hesitance. He pressed his groin against my bottom, his erection pressed torturously against my folds while his hands viciously massaged my tender breasts. He pressed soft kisses along my spine.

"I'll fuck you all night," he rasped, "from behind, standing up, setting down, on your knees, as many ways as we can." He took himself in hand and ran his tip along my opening, making my toes curl and my fingers dig into the sheets, "and then, we'll fuck in the common room. In the bathrooms. On the floor. Against a wall.

The images that assaulted my mind made my core clench in need, "Please, take me," I whimpered, pressing my backside against him, "Please, Austin, I need you." He grasped my hair and pushed it over my shoulder to one side and I glanced at him.

"I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for months," he hissed, his touches become steadily more violent, his hands tugging and pinching my breasts, "You won't be able to think of the common room without getting so hot that you have to relieve yourself then and there, regardless of who's watching. And then you'll want me inside of you so badly that you'll hunt me down and beg me to fuck you."

"God, yes," I moaned, tentatively reaching back and massaging my clit, "_Please_, Austin. I need you." Hearing him talk about all the things he was going to do to me made my arousal very apparent, made my head spin and my groin ache. I shifted my hips in attempt to find the friction I desperately craved.

"I'll fuck you till you're raw."

I was surprised when he pushed into me, surprised enough to cry out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. My head spun and he didn't wait for me to get accustomed to the invasion – he just drove into me over and over again with absolutely no control. This wasn't making love, or having sex. This was fucking, pure and unadulterated fucking. There were no emotions involved with this, just his possessive and angry hands abusing my skin while he pounded into me with wild abandon, his nails dragging themselves down my back and harshly slapping against my bum. I knew that my bottom was red and sore, knew that I would have trouble setting down for a long time.

I couldn't hold myself up any longer and I fell forward, pressing my sweat-coated forehead against the green comforter. It didn't smell like his bed, it smelt like freshly cut grass – not completely unpleasant, but not what I craved.

I screamed when I had my second orgasm, lights flashing behind my eyes and my voice sore, but he wasn't through. He was still slamming into me, and with the aftershocks of my orgasm still thundering through me I came again and again, each time getting closer and closer together and more and more violent. Soon, I couldn't go five seconds without crashing into another orgasm. Then, finally, he came, his seed spurting into me as we both collapsed, his cock slipping out of me and his hands grasping my hips possessively. I ached, and wished he was still inside me. I felt empty.

"How many times did I orgasm?" I asked breathlessly, and I felt him shrug.

"Maybe eight times," he murmured, pressing a trail of kisses along my shoulders, "a little more." I shivered; that was a new record. Slowly, he rolled off of me and landed on his back. I slowly, painfully, turned and pressed my body flush against his, running my fingers down his chest and hooking my leg over his body.

"The bed's all messy," I said with a drowsy giggle, "Smells like sex."

"I wonder why," Austin said sarcastically. I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, only to shiver as his hand slowly began toying with me again, slipping inside of me and stretching me. I mewled, arching against him and away from his fingers.

"I'm tired," I whispered, "I can't – umh – I can't take anymore. Sensory overload." I whimpered again as my hips began to move again his fingers, my body betraying me.

"Not gonna stop me," he purred, "I don't think Avery's bed is quite dirty enough."

The next day was torture. My legs felt like they were going to give way, like I would collapse against the floor and start weeping. Austin seemed more then pleased by his accomplishment, and I knew that this pain was worth it. It had been so fantastic, so breathtaking, I would go through this pain again and again if it meant I got to experience something like that again. When the time came for Trick-or-Treating, we spent the whole time making use of the empty Dorm. Even Snape wasn't there, though he was (supposedly) in the Library instead of enjoying the festivities.

I sat through Transfiguration classes listening to Peter go on and on about his precious Adelaide, and I felt like being sick. Apparently, the Trick-or Treating hadn't gone well and he was planning on asking her to Hogsmeade. I felt like I almost didn't need Legilimency lessons, he was so easy to read, but I quickly fixed that thought. So, November 5th, I found myself in an empty classroom with Severus Snape.

"Legilimency takes a lot a practice," Snape drawled as he leaned against the abandoned teachers desk. I decided to sit on top of one of the less trashed student desks, crossing my legs and watching him with a half-interested expression, "It is not something you can simply learn over night. It takes time, practice, and devotion. In order to reap the full benefits of Legilimency, it would behoove you to learn Occlumency as well, or the ability to block ones mind from such invasions."

"I know some bits about Occlumency," I said, running a hand through my hair, "I'm no master at it, but I'm good enough to keep out someone who's not really trying." Snape sneered.

"Then what is the use in that?" he asked, "If the person really wanted to get into your mind then they could do so without any difficulty. For example – _Legilimens!_"

Before I really knew what he was doing, my mind was already invaded. Images flew through my brain at an alarming rate, and I struggled to throw up my shield, which I now saw as unbelievably pathetic and weak.

"_Shut the hell up, you nosey brat!" a dark towering man yelled. A small me shrunk away from the door and quickly ran down the hallway and to my baby brothers room, where he was sound asleep. I could still hear my parents screaming. Then the sound of someone getting hit and falling against the floor._

The next memory was of what had happened only a week prior, and I desperately started pulling at another memory, any other memory. Snape did NOT want to see me and Austin humping like bunnies.

_A young me walked into the setting room where my father stood with his back to me, his hand holding something in front of him, near his face. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, when there was a loud bang and the back of his head was no longer attached to his body. My mum came rushing in, he face screwed up in anger, when she saw what had happened._

I immediately put up the strongest shield I could, and it barely held. Memories would still flicker across my vision, but none of them whole. Finally Snape left my head, and he honestly looked a little sheepish about what he had seen. There was an awkward silence.

"Okay, I get your point," I said, crossing my arms across my chest, "but…think I could use a pensieve next time before you start shifting through memories?" Snape coughed.

"That…would probably be a good idea," he agreed. There was more awkward silence, and I coughed into my fist.

"Well, how about you go ahead and explain the basics of Legilimency? Like…er…how to exercise your mind, or something like that?"

To say the rest of the mini-lesson was awkward would be an understatement. I made a mental note to purchase a pensieve on the next Hogsmeade visit, or else Snape would see a few more embarrassing situations, like that one time Austin and I shagged on his bed. I did NOT want him to see that particular memory, for fear of my own health. While we waited for the chance to get a pensieve, I began following Peter closely, prepared to strike.

Six days later, I found my prey standing solemnly in the Library watching Vicknair and Black converse at a nearby table. I reclined on a chair and watched, almost feeling like I was watching a drama unfold before me.

"It's not fair," I finally said, keeping my voice soft and sympathetic. He turned in surprise, his eyes wide, and quickly gathered himself, watching me cautiously. I swung my legs over and stood, walking over to stand beside him and watch the now happy couple.

"He always gets whatever he wants," he murmured softly, clenching his fist by his said. I fought back a smile. I placed a faux sympathetic hand on his back.

"You've had your eye on her for day one," I said softly, making my voice soft an alluring, "You deserve her; Black will probably toy with her for a while before dumping her, leaving her broken. You know what happened to all those other girls." Peter shook his head.

"He's only seriously dated three girls," he defended his friend despite his jealousy, and I suddenly knew why he was in Gryffindor. The ponce. "They either got obsessive, or they found someone else. Everything else is rumors." I frowned, slightly hoping he would be a bit easier to manipulate.

"It's still not fair," I cooed, leaning down to his ear, focusing my gaze on the two, "you asked her out even, that should mean she is off limits. In a way, he betrayed you. He stole the girl you loved right from under your nose." I idly began to toy with his hair, keeping back a wince at its greasy texture, before glancing down at him. He looked angry, which was rare in itself; he was almost never angry. I smiled, but continued trying to ease my way into his head, "Do you really want to be walked on? You told me yourself that you hated being the under dog."

"I wouldn't betray James and Remus," Peter said, eyeing me carefully. I just patted his back and removed the grin from my face, instead looking sympathetic and caring. He seemed to almost fall for it.

"I know, you've said how nice they are to you," I cooed, "I listened to you; I've always listened to you. You're really quite an interesting person; I don't see why they don't appreciate you more."

"They appreciate me plenty," Peter said harshly, shrugging my hand off of him. I frowned, but I didn't let my anger show.

"I've seen how you are treated, Peter," I said slowly, "You may not see it, but you're the outsider; you're the one they walk on to raise themselves up a notch. To them, even you good friend Remus, you're just a stepping block."

"You're wrong," he said angrily, though doubt was coating his tone, everything about his screamed hesitance. I smiled and shrugged nonchalantly, dropping my hand from his shoulders and back up a step.

"When you see that I am right you can come visit me; I won't push you aside." I walked away, leaving the Library with a triumphant grin. I was succeeding. Though the conversation was short and relatively unimportant, I had said the right words at the right time, like I was expected to. I made him doubt his friends, and that was the first step in this whole big scheme.

I felt like dancing as I made my way through the dungeons, prepared to share the good news with Bellatrix.

.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Adelaide Vicknair, Professor Sicily and several others.

**A/N:** I told you it was M. Eep! I had difficulties keeping focused while writing that. Stupid teenage hormones! D: So, an other familiar scene, there's some Snape action, and a bit more on Annalisa's childhood. Tell me whatcha think bout it.

B.E. Noamds


	6. Peter Pettigrew

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Five:** Title Here

I pressed close to Austin as he slept blissfully, his modesty only protected by thin green sheets that snaked around his body, and for a moment I was unrightfully jealous of the fabric. It could get so close to him, yet I could not. I could never hold him as tightly as I wanted to, could never get close enough to him. He was always too far away.

The only light in the ever faithful Room of Requirement was the soft glow from dieing candles that littered the room, sending flickering shadows around the room and surrounding us in a beautiful, subtle golden glow. While he slept I ran my hand along his chest, drew absent-minded designs while my mind ran amuck, never settling, never stopping, just running, running, running…

My mother was expecting me home for Christmas. She always did. You would think after years of fighting and arguing, she would give up on me, she would go ahead and kill herself. Rid the world of one more debauchery. But every year, she'd come to Hogsmeade and beg me to return home, her eyes glistening with tears and her chest heaving as she tried to cope without her damnable alcohol.

'_Please, Annalisa,'_ she'd beg. Her eyes would be leaking a steady stream of tears, her frail fingers would clench as tight as they could to my wrist and her eyes would beg me more so then her voice, _'Baby, please. I need you at home. It's so dark. Don't leave me there alone. They'll find me, sweetheart. Xander always comes in the night, when it's dark. He tries to kill me. Don't let him kill me! Annalisa! Please!'_

She was a lunatic. Xander was my father, and he was dead. Blew out his brains with a muggle handgun he'd bought just for the occasion. Mum kept it as it was, in her room, laying on his pillow that hadn't been used in about eight years, possibly more. He tended to sleep on the couch in the final years of his marriage to her. Course, if I had to live with her all the time I'd probably blow my brains out too. More painful then the killing curse, I expect, but bloodier. More for her to clean up.

It didn't help that she wouldn't let anyone else clean up. She sat there, drunk as an empty glass, practically bathing in his blood as she tried to put his head back together. I left the room and began puking in the loo almost immediately, before cleaning myself of all the blood. She didn't come out of the room for four days, and when she did she stank like a corpse. The room was completely clean, and the body was in a casket she made herself from pieces of furniture and all sorts of rubbish. She burned the body three days after that, nearly taking down the house as well.

Then she killed my brother, smothered him in his sleep. Didn't do anything with his body, just left it there and went on with her life as if murder was a normal thing to do. Well…I guess it is, really, considering the crowd I hang around with. But murdering your only son? It was ridiculous. It was madness. Even Bellatrix isn't insane enough to kill her only son, if she had one that is. She'd probably give it to the Dark Lord, raise him to follow him no matter what. I might not be quite so loyal to the Dark Lord, but I was loyal to the cause. My children would grow up in a pure-blooded society, free of filth and depravity such as the likes of my mother, insanity sparked by the stain of muggle blood.

"Annalisa?" Austin groaned as he began to wake, his eyes hazy with sleep. I waited patiently, letting my hands continued to run along his chest. I felt him quiver slightly under my touch and I smiled.

"You fell asleep," I said softly, not bothering to cover myself as his eyes ran over my body lazily.

"I gathered," he said sarcastically as he turned to face me, wrapping his arm around my hip and tugging me flush against him – he was already looking forward to another round, "but you didn't. Why?"

"Thinking," I whispered as his hands strayed further south, slowly making their way between my legs. He hummed, but I didn't react as he pressed into me. He noticed, but his face gave nothing away.

"What about?" he asked, and his hand moved back up to my lower back, where he rested it softly, in a manner that comforted me. I glanced up at him and unwillingly caught his gaze. I looked away.

"Christmas," I murmured, and he knew what I was getting at. He sighed and pulled me closer, pressing his nose into my hair and allowing myself to curl up against him. I craved his warmth, his protection. I felt like with him I would never be scared, never be alone, never be hurt. I would always be safe with him. But I knew that it was a lie, a trick of the mind. We were both dangerous. We would always be dangerous.

"Lets go to the Cabin," he murmured, "My parents are dead, no one to lie to. Just tell you're mother you have to study."

"I'm not going to speak to that sick woman," I spat, anger balling up in my chest and lighting me on fire, "Something's wrong with her, dabbling with muggle and mudblood filth ruined her, made her loose her mind. She's filth, nothing more. One can only surround themselves with filth before the stench gets to them, before they loose it."

It was one of the rare moments that my true self shined through, the loathing I had for muggles making itself very, _very _apparent. Austin chuckled and pressed his lips to my ear, where he nibbled gently before moving his hand back between my legs. This time I responded with a low moan and pressed closer to him, telling him without words that I wanted him, needed him.

"Don't tell her anything, then," he whispered, his breath ticking my ear, "just come with me. We can apparate from the station, it's crowded. If she's waiting she wouldn't be able to spot us."

I nodded before pressing my lips against his, desperate to get on with things much more interesting then how to escape my deranged mother on Christmas hols.

We didn't leave the Room for anything; the Room supplied everything for us: a hot bath for two, clean clothes, sexy lingerie for me to wear and him to tear off. When Sunday began to end, we were both sweaty and tired, aching to simply lay in the tub for a bit more yet knowing that we had to make it to the common room. The amazingly still-warm water soothed my aching muscles and Austins hands gripped my hips lightly, keeping me tethered to him like a lifeline.

"These weekends always go by so quickly," he complained as his thumb began to rub small circles against my skin, his breath tickling my temple, "I wish they would go on forever."

"So do I," I murmured as I pressed closer, wrapping my arms tightly around my chest as a chill went down my spine. He noticed and so did the room – the water heated up nicely to a just-right temperature below scorching but well above warm. I sunk further into the water and Austin stared down at me with fervent eyes that made me feel completely and utterly sexy. I grinned up at him and he idly brushed a few stray strands of hair from my face.

"Any news on Peter?" He asked, surprising me – he almost never wanted to talk about work-related subjects when we were alone. He saw my confusion and shrugged, "It's imperative this mission goes well, as much as I don't like it. I'd much rather have you all to myself."

"Don't I know it," I murmured playfully, before sighing, "He's been making sure to avoid any places he thinks that I'll show up in – he really underestimates me. Rather insulting, I think. But recently he's been running off to the Kitchens and drinking away his worries – he can barely hold a butterbeer down, imagine if he gets a hold of firewhiskey!" I chuckled at the mental image, but Austin didn't seem very amused. I held back a sigh and continued.

"He's really fidgety, and isn't a very good liar, so that'll take some work – nothing a bit of threatening couldn't fix. I'll confront him soon." Austin sensed I was finished, and his hands slowly began exploring my body, teasing me with feather light touches that made my head spin and my breath catch in my throat.

"I'm sorry I asked," He growled softly, "it's making me very,_ very_ possessive." Chills went down my spine as his touches became steadily more violent, more controlling. I closed my eyes in bliss and arched into his touch, egging him on.

That night, we barely made it to the common room before curfew, and we were barely decent. I had to take another shower before I could go to bed for fear of my hair being an unmanageable mess when I woke up – that was not a way to seduce anyone.

It was Tuesday when I finally made my move. I saw Peter heading from the Library and down towards the Kitchen, and without a second thought I placed my books aside and began to follow him. He didn't notice me, and I was proud of myself for keeping so quiet in stilettos. Either that, or he really was an oblivious fool.

I stuck to the shadows until he came upon the picture of fruit and tickled the pear, making the portrait swing open. I waited a moment for the door to close, and then followed him in. He was setting at a table, glaring at the wood, when a house elf brought him a mug of butterbeer. Peter drank it with a glum expression on his face, and for a moment I realized how completely and utterly pathetic he was. Tired of watching him wallow in self-pity, I stepped in again.

"So, here you are again, drinking away your worries," I said, smirking as he jumped in surprise – I was right, he was oblvious. I was surprised, though, as I saw anger light up in his eyes.

"Go away, Annalisa," he demanded. I felt my eyebrow quirk up and my lip twitch in amusement.

"You really don't mean that, do you Peter?" I asked as I walked slowly to the table and took a seat in front of him, resting my chin in my hands, "You enjoy my company." Peter just snorted into his glass.

"What gives you that idea?" he asked, and I raised my eyebrows.

"You've never been so angry with me before," I whispered as I slid off my shoes and slowly began to run my feet along his leg. He just glared and jerked his leg away, a sneer forming on his face.

"I have some self respect," he snapped, "Leave me alone, I'm not one of your little toys," I smiled coyly – he didn't realize that he already was. Slowly, I let my body began shifting. I never used this ability often – it was one of the reasons my father hated me so much. He claimed he never really knew if he was looking at his daughter or some stranger. It drove my parents insane, the way I would walk down stairs one morning with bright blue hair and completely different features.

My shirt was too big for Adelaide's smaller, less busty form, and while three undone buttons did nothing for me, for her body it revealed just enough cleavage to drive Peter mental. I let my coy smile drop, and an air of concern envelop me. I leaned forward, almost smirking as his eyes dropped down to my cleavage, and I gently cupped his cheeks.

"Peter," I said softly, looking deep into his beady eyes, "It's not fair that you aren't giving other people a chance. See? I can be you're precious little Adelaide as much as you want me too." Peter's breath caught in his throat, and I watched patiently as his eyes expressed just how tormented he was.

"A-Adelaide loves Sirius," he managed to stutter out, "And you aren't anything like her. I frowned angrily, tired of his protests – I wanted to get this over and done with already!

"I can be like her," I whispered angrily, My hands snatching out and grabbing his collar, pulling his face up to mine, "You just don't give me the chance. I can be anyone you want me to be. I'm a metamorphmagus, Peter! I could be Bellatrix Lestrange if you wanted me to! I can be anyone!" Okay, slight lie – why would I want to turn into Bellatrix? As beautiful as she was I preferred my tanned skin to her milky-white skin.

"But you aren't Adelaide," he protested strongly, "You're Annalisa Bertucci."

"But I don't have to be!" I whimpered, before relaxing, my grip slackening, and I changed my expression to sad. I felt my eyes watering up as I observing a weakening Peters expression, and his mind stopped working the moment he smelt Adelaide's scent wafting towards him. I easily kept back my triumphant expression. I had never realize how much fake-crying would come in handy.

"Peter," I whispered softly as I pressed closer to him. I could feel his breath on my lips, and while if it had been anyone else it would have driven me insane with lust, it just made me flinch in disgust, "Can you help me? Just for a little while?" I didn't give him a chance to respond and pressed my lips to his, moving my mouth sensually against him and not giving him a chance to protest. Then he was kissing me back, and I kept back my disgust.

Then I pulled away, allowing me to morph back into my own body, my eyes staring into his as I slipped my shoes back on.

"I can be your Adelaide all you want," I said softly, running my fingers through his thin hair, "Just do everything I say." He hesitated, before nodding his consent. I barely kept back a smirk.

"I'll see you soon, Peter," I purred as I pulled away, running my fingers down his cheek, "Remember what I've told you."

I walked calmly and patiently away from him, the portrait swinging shut behind me, and I took in a shaky breath. Then I was running through the school, going deep into the dungeons until I came across the Slytherin dorms. Whispering the password, the wall separated and I immediately scanned the common room. Austin immediately spotted me, and jerked his head towards the boys dorm. I nodded, and before anyone could tell us otherwise we headed up the stairs.

No one was in, and I allowed myself to collapse, tears pouring down my face. Austin took me into his arms and held me close as I buried my head into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he murmured, "It's okay. You do what you can – it's for the cause."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was doing it for him more then I was doing it for the cause. I wanted him to be proud of me more then anything in the world. I wanted him to know that I would give anything to make his aspirations come true. I didn't matter. Only he mattered.

"Maybe you could stop," he murmured, "After we leave Hogwarts. Then, you can stop. You don't have to do this any more – you can be an average death eater. You could stop."

And for a moment, even though I knew it was highly unlikely, I had hope. He gave me hope.

**.**

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Adelaide Vicknair, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Madeline Vicknair, Annalisa Bertucci, Professor Sicily and Jean Vicknair.

**A/N: **so, it's a short chapter and it's kind of important. The ending kind of sucks, but I can't think of another way to end it. I also gave you an insight into Annalisa's childhood – I hope you liked it. And…

OMG another chapter without sex! HAHA! Lol.

B.E. Nomads


	7. Ask

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Six:** Ask

I was silently giddy as I walked beside Austin towards the gleaming red train that was bound for Kings Cross. Though we wouldn't actually be boarding the train since we could apparate away, it was the symbolism of it all that made this all worth while. Seeing this train that could take us away from responsibility and dumpy Gryffindor's made that extra walk so worth it. We didn't need it any more, but for traditions sake we walked hand in hand towards the station.

"What do you want to do when we get to the cabin?" I asked, and though I wasn't looking at his face I knew he was smirking.

"You," he said as he unlaced our fingers and pulled me closer to him, trailing his fingers along my hip, "but if that can't happen…"

"Whatever you want," I responded, cutting him off, "We can do whatever you want. What do you have in mind?" I shivered as I felt his lips toy with my earlobe, gently bringing the flesh between his teeth and tugging.

"Handcuffs," he murmured, "silk sheets."

"Should I wear my leather boots?" I purred, and his hand tightened.

"Do you want to make it to the cabin?" he asked, "You keep bringing these images to mind and I'll have to drag you behind the Three Broomsticks and," Before he could finish, a thin hand wrapped around my wrist and tugged me backwards, making me 'eep' in surprise. I turned and glowered when I spotted who it was.

"Annalisa, baby, I knew you would come," my mother whimpered, her stringy grey-black hair a mangled mess atop her head and her sunken black eyes were as dull as worn second hand boots. Austin wasted no time in tugging me back to him, glaring at my mother with barely concealed disgust.

"She didn't come for you," he snapped, but my mother ignored him. She just stared at me, looking completely broken.

"I knew you would come," she repeated, her hand latching onto my robe, "The stars told me – whispered things in my ear. They told me, promised me. My sunshine was coming back."

"Sod off," I snarled, ripping my robe from her grasp, "You're insane." She didn't give up, though, and stepped closer to us. I felt Austin's grip tighten, but he didn't step back again.

"You need to come back with me!" my mother wailed, "It's so dark without my sunshine. The wind whispers to me, haunts me, and Xander is always there – he's waiting for me, tormenting me." She cried out, sounding like a wounded dog, before she began to sing slightly, _"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray."_

I didn't hesitate as I reeled back my hand and slapped her, the sharp crack of skin-on-skin contact catching the attention of several students who quickly continued on with their business. That was one of the things that disgusted me about people – they see someone getting abused, but they walk on. Shouldn't they have stepped in, said something to protect her?

"Shut up," I hissed – I remembered that she didn't deserve their sympathy or their help. She deserved to rot. "Don't even think of touching me."

"_You'll never know dear, how much I love you,"_ she continued, but she took a few steps back, her eyes wide and her lips moving soundlessly, begging. I gripped Austin's arm tighter.

"Get me out of here," I pleaded. I didn't even hear him reply, just felt the constricting feel of apparation. When the feeling subsided we were in the middle of a well furnished, rustic cabin with green and black décor that gave the room a slightly cold feel, but at the same time made it feel like home. Without really meaning too, I found myself whispering the end of my mothers song. Austin's grip on my arm tightened.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and I nodded, baking into his warm embrace. HI instantly wrapped his strong arms around me, and I relaxed, letting his lips trail down my neck and tug gently at my ear.

"I'll be fine," I murmured, but I couldn't keep back the tears – that woman was my mother. She'd brought me into the world – how could I be so cruel to her?

"She's insane," Austin said, "She deserves it, after mingling with muggles and mudbloods. After what she did to you."

I hadn't realized I had spoken aloud, or maybe he just knew what I was thinking. I turned in his arms and caught his lips in a bruising kiss, tugging him towards the couch and ripping his shirt open, ignoring the buttons and how they scattered across the floor.

"Annalisa," He murmured, but he never voiced what he was going to say. I didn't let him and pushed him onto the couch, straddling his hips and completely dominating him. There was fire in his eyes, and I knew he hated when I attempted to control him, I knew because I hated when he tried to control me.

But for once, he gave in without complaint. He seemed to realize that I needed this, that I needed the control that riding him gave me. I knew everything he liked, how to draw it out until he felt like he was about to explode, like his brain would fry and he wouldn't be able to think properly again. I wished that I could never speak properly again.

By the time we were done the sun was setting and my legs were sore, quivering and bruised. My whole body was shaking, and before I knew it I was crying, burying my head into his shoulder and sobbing like a newborn.

"Why did my life turn out like this?" I hiccupped, "Why did I get stuck with her? Wh-why do I deserve this? God, I don't deserve you, I'm filth, I'm nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing."

"Shut up," he hissed angrily, "Don't speak like that."

"But it's true," I whimpered, pulling away form him and moving to stand – it would have worked if my legs hadn't collapsed underneath me, sending pain wracking through my body. I leaned against the couch, and as Austin moved to comfort me the sound of his skin sticking to the leather made me shiver.

"Stop-,"

"Nothing, nothing, nothing," I repeated like a mantra, "I'm just like her, I'm no good, I'll never be any good." Austin laughed slightly and kneeled in front of me, gently tilting my chin up and looking me dead in the eye.

"You don't need to tell me that," he murmured, "I'll know you'll never be any good. Where's the fun in that?" He nuzzled my face gently, his breath tickling my skin and his lips tilting up in a smirk, "You're bad – very, very bad. I might have to punish you."

"I can't move," I moaned, idly pushing his hands from my chest where he was gently fondling me, "My legs hurt."

"You wont need to use your legs," he murmured, letting his hands drop to my thighs, "You just need that sinful little mouth of yours."

For some reason, the fact that he still wanted me after that breakdown that almost but didn't quite happen, that made it all better. I was back in my right mind, I could see clearly – I grinned and pushed him back onto his back, my tongue curling over my teeth as he glared.

"That was a one-time deal," he snapped, flipping us and slamming my back against the ground. I hummed slightly and trailed my fingers down his chest.

"But I like being on top," I whined, "riding you. It's fun."

"I think it's a bit more then fun, love," he said slowly, burying his face into my neck. I sighed and pulled him closer, egging him on.

"Oh, much more," I agreed before smiling facetiously, "Its orgasmic."

.

Five days later, we were setting in front of the Christmas tree, the morning sun pouring in through the windows and heating our skin. We were completely nude and we couldn't keep our hands from each other for too long. When the clock chimed twelve noon, Austin's face suddenly turned very serious.

"Annalisa…I have a question for you. Well, actually I have several," He was nervous, and I immediately began to worry.

"What is it?" I asked, barely keeping calm. He gently cupped my face and I melted into him, waiting patiently for him to speak.

"Do you love me?" he asked. I nodded.

"Always," I murmured. He ran his thumb along my lip, and he nervously licked his lips.

"How long are you planning on staying with me?" he asked. I sighed and brought him closer to me and falling back, forcing him to brace himself with his arms on either side of me.

"Forever," I whispered, shifting my hips under him. He responded by slowly diving inside of me, making me gasp. He clenched his eyes shut and let out a shakey breath before he began to thrust slowly inside of me. I moved against him, egging him on, biting my lip and sliding my fingers through his hair. He tenderly brushed my hair from my face, brushed his lips against my cheek and rested his forehead against mine.

"Do you need me?" he asked, his breath caressing my face.

"Every day," I whimpered, trying to bring him deeper inside of me, "I want you to go faster, Austin."

He didn't comply, and kept up the slow pace that was driving me insane. For some reason, it made me love him more – at that moment, I felt closer to him then we had in our entire relationship. Something about this moment was precious, and I didn't know why.

"Do you want me?" he asked.

"Every second of ever day," I said breathlessly, "Austin, please, god, I…I don't know what I want you to do."

"I know what I want," he murmured, keeping up the steady pace before brushing his lips against mine, "I just hope that you want the same thing. What do you want?"

"I want you," I muttered, "I want a million galleons, I – oh god, Austin – I want a mansion. I want diamond rings and pearl necklaces, I want to world at my feet. I want everything, and nothing. I want this, you and me, forever, nothing but us. I want it rough, I want it tender, I want it needy, and I want it sweet. I want it to last forever. I never want to leave you." I closed my eyes as he slipped a hand between us and began to massage my clit.

"Look at me," he demanded, and I complied, staring at him with desire and love, begging him to keep moving. His eyes were so serious that I got scarred, his touches were so gentle that it was almost foreign. I opened my mouth to beg him to stop, to turn into the Austin that I knew. He beat me to it.

"I want you to marry me," he whispered, and I froze, "I want you to be with me forever, man and wife, partners in everything. I can't live without you, Annalisa. I can't breathe without being inside of you – you're a drug, and I'm addicted to you. I want nothing but you, and I'm drowning in you."

"Austin," I managed to whisper, before I reached my hight and came with a cry, clenching my eyes shut as pleasure ripple through me and I melted against the carpet, my breathing labored and my head spinning. He looked at me, his eyes begging, and I saw the weakness there, weakness that scarred and empowered me at the same time. I made him like this.

"Answer me," he demanded, and for a moment he looked as broken as I used to be, as I still was. Did he deserve that? Did he deserve eternity with a broken woman who was insane half the time? A woman who wasn't faithful to him with her body, despite being faithful to him with all of her heart? Did he deserve the rest of his life codling me, trying to make me better?

He could have so much more than this. He could have someone whole.

"I'm broken," I whispered, "Can't you see that? Why would you want eternity with a broken woman?"

"It's an eternity with the woman I love," he said softly, his eyes burning like black fire, "but I'm broken to. We're both broken. Together, we're fixed. Two parts to a whole, two parts to the same being. Tell me you'll marry me, and everything will work out. We'll be together, and we'll love each other, and we'll protect each other. You're all that I need to go on, and if I loose you…"

He buried his face in my shoulder, and I froze as I felt the wetness of his tears sliding against my already sweaty skin. I let myself cry, then, and I wrapped my heavy arms around him, bringing him closer to me, comforting him.

"Yes," I whispered, my tears sliding down my face, "I'll marry you."

And we lay there, crying in each others arms. I cherished the moment. This was the first time he broke down, let me know that he needed me just as much as I needed him. I knew how I controlled every aspect of his life. It made me feel strong, but also made me feel guilty. Who was I to control him? It wasn't my right. I wasn't deserving.

But he still clung to me in complete desperation, despite my agreement.

I never again would doubt his love – it was all right here. I didn't need the love and adoration so many girls craved from their boyfriends. I needed the companionship, the physical aspect, the emotional binding that was on a lever deeper then simple love. Love couldn't describe the way I felt about him. What I felt devoured me completely, was all encompassing, all consuming. I couldn't function without him, he was my everything, my heart and soul.

I still felt broken, I couldn't deny that. On some level I was mentally unstable, on some level I was shattered beyond repair. I knew that even Austin didn't have the power to put me back together. These scars ran deep, deeper than our love and deeper then anything else I had ever felt. They were always there, always hurting, always burning. I knew that one thing could send me over the edge into insanity. One misstep could break me and send me into oblivion.

But Austin would always be there, like the scars. He would catch me before I hit the ground, and he would slowly build me back up. I knew I would never be whole, I would never be the woman he deserved. I was the woman he wanted, though.

Love isn't fair, it isn't clean cut, and it isn't perfect. Love is hard. It bleeds you till you have no more blood to give. It will take your feelings and completely trash them, tear them out of your chest and rip them to pieces. Love is selfish and harsh, mean and completely brutal. Love burns you till there's nothing left to burn. Love isn't brains, it's blood – it runs deeper than anything you can imagine in this world.

"Lets run away," I whispered in his ear, "Just you and me."

"Yeah?" he asked, his breath tickling my neck and sending chills down my spine.

"Yeah," I slowly ran my hands up his arms and to his hair, gently threading my fingers through it and massaging his scalp, "We can go anywhere you want. Ireland, Indonesia, Egypt, America, Canada, wherever, whenever. Just you and me, together. No worries, no problems, no nothing. Just us."

"California," he murmured, kissing my neck tenderly, "I want to go somewhere sunny. I'm tired of the clouds."

"Los Angeles?" I asked, "Or San Fransisco?"

"Neither," he said, "Somewhere small, isolated. Maybe the country."

"That'd be nice," I agreed, closing my eyes and imagining it – it was so wonderful. We would buy a nice house, not too large, but not too small. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms, and it'll be isolated from prying eyes. We'd get a dog, a big dog, and let it run in the back yard. We would get jobs, and after long, most likely hellish days at work we would come home and simply be. We'd have two kids, a girl and a boy, and they would be the most wonderful children, with straight E's and the perfect, model student. There would be nothing to worry about, no Dark Lord –

And then my fantasy stopped abruptly.

There was no running from the Dark Lord. He would find us, kill us and the life we may have started. We would be putting innocent people in danger, hurting them. Namely our imaginary children. They would be dead, and it would be our fault. My fault for suggesting it.

"We can't," I whispered, clenching my eyes shut, "There is no running from the Dark Lord. It was a stupid idea. Forget I ever said it."

"I can't forget," he responded, pulling away and staring deep into my eyes, "I can just hope that one day, after the Dark Lord has won, we can live it. I promise you, Annalisa, that one day we'll go there. Just you and me."

I closed my eyes and pulled him down for a kiss, praying that his promise would come true.

.

The bathroom door slammed behind me, and I knew that the girls heard. I turned the shower on, and impatiently got in before the water even had a chance to ehat up. I was shivering in revulsion, tears streaming down my face as the cold burned my skin. I was shaking more then I could ever remember. I grabbed a wash cloth and doused it in soap, before scrubbing at my body furiously, until my skin was raw and near bleeding.

"God," I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to hold myself together. I threw the cloth, paying no mind to where it landed, and grabbed my upper arms tightly in a desperate attempt to hold myself together.

My lips burned, and I rubbed at them with the back of my hand, before a sob snuck through my lips. My knees buckled under me and I collapsed to the floor, hunched over and rocking slightly. My nails bit into my skin and I found comfort in the pain – I deserved it, god, did I deserve it.

"I'm so sorry," I rasped to no one, before scratching my skin, "I'm so dirty – so fucking _soiled." _I pulled at my hair, tossing my head back and staring at the clean, white ceiling.

I could only remember Peter, kissing him, letting his tongue-

"Oh, god," I cried, before pushing myself up and poured a heap of shampoo into my still shaking hand, practically tearing my fingers through hair in a desperate attempt to get clean.

I wished desperately I was back in the cabin, entangled with Austin as if we were the only two people on earth. That was weeks ago, now. Now we were back at school, and I was back doing what I loathed.

"It's for the cause, it's for the cause," I repeated, tearing at my hair while the soap was washed out, "I-it's for th-the c-cause."

I knew that, but I still hated it.

I shut off the shower and stumbled out, catching a glimpse my reflection. I froze, and unimaginable hatred shot through me, filling me until I lashed out. My fist connected with the mirror before I knew what was happening, and I cried out in anger, the shattered glass falling around me and cutting into my feet. I fell to the ground and clutched myself together again, ignoring the pain from the glass cutting into my legs.

I deserved every ounce of pain I got.

.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Adelaide Vicknair, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Madeline Vicknair, Annalisa Bertucci, Professor Sicily and Jean Vicknair.

**A/N: **It's funny…I have a crush on this guy…and his name is Austin. Haha, irony much? Anyway, I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Drusilla inspired Mrs. Bertucci. And we ordered Sophomore T-Shirts and I got mine to say BE NOMADS on the back. HAH! So, tell me what you think, and go do something fun. IDK.

It's really kind of sad though – their relationship is destructive, but so powerful, and they're all that they have anymore. All that they can trust. They never stop loving each other.

B.E. Nomads


	8. Promises

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Seven: **Promises

-

The moment Austin took a seat in front of the couch I was lounging on, I knew something was up. Everything about him screamed 'anger' and for some reason, it really turned me on. Especially after spending my Hogsmeade trip with that blubbering lump known as Peter Pettigrew. I shivered just thinking about it.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up and positioning myself behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck and running my fingers over his chest.

"Vicknair," he spat, and I sighed; everything was about her now a days. Peter, and now Austin…jealousy ate away at me for a moment before I locked it away in the back of my mind. Instead I opted for massaging his shoulders, smiling slightly when I felt his muscles relax.

"What'd she do?" I asked, though part of me really didn't want to know. I had an idea about what he was going on about, if the rumors flitting around the school were anything to go by. I had skipped classes today and instead opted to lounge around in the empty common room.

"She fucking punched me in the nose!" he exclaimed, and I sighed, staring absently at the top of his head. The rumors were true, then.

"So I heard," I responded, my voice taking on a new tone as I reveled in his anger. I felt heat began to build between my legs and just barely kept a low moan in. I was sick of Peter and his stuttering, nervous meltdowns. I wanted Austin, so badly. I wanted his roughness. I wanted his mouth on me, his teeth biting me, his cock filling me. My thoughts were already on the image of him taking me right now, pounding into me until I couldn't speak.

"How about this," I continued, running my hands down his chest, feeling the way his muscles reacted to my touch, wrapping my arms around his neck again, "You take me upstairs to the boys dormitory, kick everyone out, and take out your aggressions on me?" I licked my lips before running my tongue along the rim of his ear, knowing how much he liked it. A shiver moved down his spine and I couldn't keep the triumphant smile off of my face.

"I think that may be one of the best ideas you've ever had," he growled, before turning suddenly, "But I think I'd much rather take you right here in the middle of the common room." I giggled, a reaction I couldn't hold back. I loved when we did this, when we got so intimate in places where people were sure to walk in.

"Don't you care that you may scar some poor little first years?" I cooed as I laced my fingers behind his neck. He got up on his knees and pinned me to the couch, and I groaned softly as I felt his erection pressed against my center, craving him now more than ever. He smirked, and I felt the heat between my legs building up again, causing my mind to fog over. I almost didn't comprehend his next sentence.

"I think they've seen worse," he growled, before crashing his lips to mine, sending violent shivers down my spine. I opened my mouth against his, wanting his tongue, but instead he trailed his mouth along my neck and left open-mouthed kisses that made me melt. I sighed blissfully, my head lolling back against the couch and my eyes fluttering closed.

"You're so much better than that boy, Peter," I murmured, barely managing to keep back my emotions. The only reason I told him this was because I knew how aggressive he got whenever the other men were mentioned, and that was what I craved now. Aggression. "Sometimes makes me hate my job; at least I don't have to become that twat Adelaide for him anymore; apparently they had a disagreement, though he managed to repair his relationship with the others." He simply hummed and moved his kisses to my chest. I barely realized he was unbuttoning my blouse until I felt his kisses trail along the edge of my bra.

"Sometimes I hate my job," I murmured again, sounding like a broken record. His kisses made me loose my train of thought, made me say things multiple times, "but then I remember that Peter and I only see each other once a week, which means I have six more days to spend with you."

"Do your little toys know that we're dating?" he murmured, his hand straying to mine where my engagement ring suddenly felt heavy. I intertwined our fingers and smiled in complete bliss. All thoughts were focused on him, and I let out a sigh.

"No, but I haven't had the urge to see any of them in at least three years," I responded, always adding more than necessary, "but of course, that doesn't mean I haven't been with any of them. I do have my job to do." He growled and I knew that I was about to get exactly what I asked for. The heat turned into a wildfire as my body reacted to his anger. He jerked his hand from mine, gripping my chin harshly and jerking my face towards him. I missed his mouth on my chest, but when I saw the fire that burned behind his eyes I knew it best to not mention anything.

"Have they touched you like this?" he asked angrily, his hand trailing down my body and gripping my thigh tightly, "Have they been with you like I have? Have they tasted you?"

"Never," I answered immediately, partially surprised he ever had to ask. "Only you can touch me like that. Anyone who tried would find themselves unable to walk for a month." He grinned, and quickly moved his mouth back to my neck to place a single, heart-stopping kiss.

"Good," he murmured. His hands began moving across my body leaving trails of goose bumps, making me gasp and arch into his touch "Because one day you will be mine, and mine alone, and you will never have to touch another puny Gryffindor again." My breath left my body in a violent _whoosh_ as his promise made love explode in my chest. I didn't have long to focus on that as he gripped the front of my blouse and ripped it open feverishly.

I moaned as I heard the sharp _clinks_ of the buttons connecting with the cold stone floor. His lips began to ravish my pulse point, his teeth nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin, his tongue sneaking out to sooth each inch of red skin.

"A-Austin," I whimpered as his large hands began fondling my breasts. The way my bra rubbed against my flesh sent chills down my spine and straight to my groin. He abandoned my now red and throbbing skin in favor off nipping up my jaw line and to my ear, where he tugged at the soft cartilage. I was distracted, so when his hands suddenly pushed down my bra and began abusing my breasts, running his thumbs over my nipples, I gasped and arched into his touch. His lips moved by to my neck, and I knew that I would have to wear a turtle neck to hide the bruises and scratches that, without a doubt, littered my neck. I gasped as he twisted and tugged at my nipples, and squeezed my eyes shut for a short moment.

"Do you think of me when you snog then?" he rasped, his breath ticking my neck. I groaned, loving how dark and possessive his voice had gotten.

"Always," I whimpered. There were so many things going on with my body I found it hard to be dominating, as I am with all the others. He made me melt with a simple touch, I couldn't think, much less take control. The odd times where I did, though, drove him wild, "I never stop thinking about you. About how much I crave you. Every second of every day I'm driven mental by images of you. They never leave, and I can only focus on you. You're the only man I've ever wanted. The only man I've ever loved."

He seemed satisfied by my answer because he slammed his lips against mine, dominating my mouth in a clash of teeth and tongue so violent that it vaguely reminded me or two wolves fighting for the last scrap of meat. His name left my lips in a pathetic whimper and I twisted my fingers into my hair and tugged violently, trying futilely to bring him closer to me. I felt his fingers dig violently into my skin as he dragged his hands down my stomach and to my thighs, where he wasted no time in ripping them apart.

"Austin, someone might walk in," I protested lamely, knowing that we wouldn't move. We loved the thrill of it all way too much.

"So? Let them walk in," he growled with burning eyes. He dug his nails into my skin and began to trail flaming kisses down my neck to my chest, where he briefly took each nipple into his mouth, twisting and teasing them with his teeth, before trailing wet kisses down my stomach and to the hem of my skirt. His name left my lips in a deep moan as he flipped my skirt up and eyed my center greedily.

Then, he moved his hand and began to rub my clit furiously with his thumb. I cried out, arching my back and screwing my eyes shut as I tried to process all the emotions that ran through me.

"Look at me," he growled, and I immediately complied and blushed as I realized he was staring at my face intently. Our eyes met and electricity shot down my spine and through my limbs. I dug my fingernails into his scalp, knowing he loved it and unable to keep my fingers still. I tossed my head back with a throaty moan.

"Don't stop," I pleaded, my voice breaking and tears building up. I could feel my intimate muscles clench and wanted nothing more then something to fill me, be it his fingers, his cock, hell, even his wand. I just needed something, "Never stop."

"I'm not planning on it," he rasped, "This is too good." Another wave of pleasure soared through me and I whimpered. I was so close, the pleasure was too much, my legs were shaking slightly and I was barely able to keep my thighs from clenching around his head. My breath was getting shorter, my heart thudding in my ears, I was so close-!

Then he pulled away. I groaned in anger as my groin ached uncomfortably, burning with need and my muscles tightening, waiting for that one moment of complete pleasure that would never come.

"You always do this shit!" I snarled, my eyes now wide and burning and glaring down at his smirking face that only made me want him more, "You sadistic bastard!" He kept smirking before he began kissing my thighs slowly, a stark contrast from our previous frenzy. I sighed and melted against the couch, my eye lids drooping slightly, only staying open to watch him as he stared at my body with strange worship. Then his eyes connected with mine, and I felt the warm feeling burst forth in my chest and wrap me in a cocoon. My fingers loosened and dropped to his shoulders where they began tracing nonsensical designs on his delicious shoulders.

"I love you," he whispered, so soft I had to strain to hear him. I smiled shakily and gently cupped his cheek before dropping my hand back to his shoulder.

"I love you too," I murmured, "So much it hurts."

Then he pulled at my knickers, and I lazily complied by adjusting my legs accordingly. Then my knickers disappeared into his pocket and I knew I would never get it back. Pity, because I was rather fond of that pair. He pressed closer to my core and his breath did nothing to cool the heat that raced through my body. If anything, it made it worse.

"I love your scent," he murmured, placing a soft kiss against me and making my stomach twist, "I love your expressions." Then, his tongue snuck out and pressed inside of me for a brief heartbreaking moment, then ran up and encircled my nub before he gently nibbled on me, making my breath stop, "I love your taste. I love everything about you."

"Austin," I whispered, afraid that if I spoke too loud then the moment would shatter, "Make love to me."

He didn't answer with words. Instead, his tongue dove inside of me and made me gasp and my inner walls clenched desperately, trying to pull him deeper. His hands ran along my thighs and left me burning with need. My hips moved on their own against his tongue, and my shallow breaths seemed to be the only sound in the whole room. I was surprised no one had walked in yet.

I whispered his name and then he pulled away to press a soft kiss to my lips. The taste of me on his lips sent me wild, and as I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss he pulled away. I whimpered, but instead trailed my fingers down his well-sculpted chest and to the hem of his trousers. I unbuckled his belt and kept my eyes glued to his as he straightened, his back popping loudly. I giggled before unzipping his trousers. I pulled them down with his pants in one go, revealing his length. I met his gaze for another brief moment before focusing all my attention on him, wrapping him in my hand and gently pumping him. I ran my thumb over his tip, catching the liquid there and smearing it along his length lazily. It was a bit of revenge, really.

"Annalisa," he moaned, and all ideas of revenge were tossed out the window. I leaned forward and dragged my tongue along his shaft from base to tip and relishing in the taste. He groaned and need shot through me, so I pulled away and licked my lips, desperate to taste him as much as I could. I whispered his name and he wasted no time in leaning back down to kiss me. He began shifting and I knew what was coming next as he bit down on my bottom lip, but I knew it would be difficult for him. That's what he gets for being impatient.

He plunged inside of me with a sure stroke, my name leaving his lips in a scream as I came instantly. He buried his nose into my hair and I placed a kiss on his neck. He waited semi-patiently for a moment before moving slowly inside of me, letting me revel in my pleasure. Then, as my body was beginning to calm down he pulled out and slammed back inside me with incredible force. I gasped and screwed my eyes shut to hold back tears, mainly from pleasure overload then anything else. When he fumbled with the next thrust, I knew we had to change something.

"Austin, sit down," I ordered, momentarily taking control. He ignored me and thrust inside me again, but on the way out I took maters into my own hands (quite literally) and grabbed him. He pulled away and glared at me, but I just raised an eyebrow.

"I said sit down," I said slowly, "It'll be worth your time. Believe me."

He seemed to listen this time and sat down beside me. I didn't waste any time and quickly straddled his waist, my heart pumping adrenaline through my veins as my mind focused completely on what was about to happen. I grasped him again and slowly stoked him before slipping down on top of him. I let out a loud gasp that shattered the silence, and colors exploded behind my eyes. Then I sighed blissfully, tossing my hair over my shoulder and gluing my eyes to the ceiling as I rotated my hips.

"Annalisa," he moaned and clutched my hips, leaving pink crescents in my skin. I groaned and quickly began to move against him when he yanked my face to his to meet him in a blazing kiss. This time I was the one who pulled away and began to lavish his neck with wet, painful kisses. He began to meet me thrust for thrust, slamming into me with vigor. His head lolled back against the couch and he hissed out my name, making my stomach flutter.

"Never stop," I gasped, my voice thick with emotion, "Never stop loving me." He thrust up into me again and I gasped out as my thoughts began to circle completely around him, driving me insane. My nails dug into his chest and I slowly dragged them downwards. He hissed out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, and I wouldn't be surprised it some of the scratches began to bleed. The metal of his belt buckle was biting into my skin and I didn't know whether I liked it or hated it, but I could feel small beads of blood slipping down my thigh. I pressed my face into his neck and gasped as he began to tug and pull at my ear. I slipped my finger between my legs and began to massage my clit, aching to reach that peak again. I heard the doorway open and I hesitated, but when only a single set of footsteps echoed in the room I picked up the pace.

"Oh god, Mulciber! You could at least take it upstairs!" I heard Avery say in disgust. I lifted my head slightly and met his gaze, which turned from disgusted to perverted, making me cringe internally, "Hey, you guys looking for a threesome?"

"_Get out!_" Austin roared angrily, his thrusts stopping and making me whimper. I watched as Avery shrunk back in fear and hurry up to the dorms. I moaned as Austin didn't start back up immediately, and dug my nails into his stomach while rotating my hips.

"Keep going," I panted, "Ignore him. Ignore everyone. There's just you and me, we're all that matters."

I gasped as he flipped us quickly, pressing my back into the couch and keeping himself firmly planted inside of me and began thrusting with renewed vigor. I arched into him and dug my heels into his lower back, but he slowed his thrusts only to grab my thighs and press them against my chest, hooking my knees over his shoulders. He shifted slightly and began slamming into me with earth shattering force.

"Kiss me," I demanded, amazed that I could even speak. This new position was something we, amazingly, hadn't done before and it drove me wild as he hit spots in me I hadn't known existed. He complied, and as his lips ravaged mine I reached down and rubbed at my clit furiously. His thrusts were more erratic, harder, and I knew that he was close. I wanted to get one more high before he finished. Our teeth clashed and his tongue took over my mouth, leaving me completely breathless.

Then, the pleasure that had been steadily building burst inside of me, and I let out a loud cry that was muffled by his lips. My eyes flew open and I pushed my head into the seat of the couch while he continued to thrust erratically, his chest heaving until finally he unloaded. I felt his juices run down my thigh and drip onto the couch, and groaned as he collapsed on top of me, his forehead pressed against mine. My head spun as we both came down from our high, and it took a moment for him to remember that I was in a less then comfortable position.

We slowly disentangled, our limbs like jelly, and laid on the couch in a sweaty mess. I made a half-assed attempt at fixing my bra and shirt and him tucking himself back into his pants. AS I righted my skirt I ran my thumb over the welt on my thigh and found that, as I thought, his belt dug in to my skin a bit too deep. I wiped my thumb off on my skirt before pushing myself closer to his chest, sighing as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

We lay there for a long time, ignoring when people began filing into the room and glared at us in mixtures of jealousy and disgust. Austin chuckled, his breath ticking my cheek, "You made me bleed. You might need to think of trimming your nails."

"Oh, you know you liked it," I murmured, pressing myself closer to him, "They all know what we were doing. The marks on our necks really give it away.

"That and the evidence is all over us," he murmured, "The house elves will have a lot of work to do." We were silent for another moment, simply basking in each other. I saw one Severus Snape come down from the dorms with Avery, and he looked less than pleased. Though that wasn't much different then normal, he looked even more displeased than I was accustomed to. Avery snickered, but I very easily caught a flash of jealousy across his face.

"Mulciber, we have to go," Avery called, and Austin sighed in aggravation.

"I'll be there in a minute," he responded. Snape walked on ahead while Avery rolled his eyes. He seemed to think about saying something, before he shook his head and hurried after Snape. I sighed.

"I don't want you to leave," I whispered, knowing it was useless.

"Its okay," he said casually, "I'll be back before you know it." Though he needed to get up, we didn't move. I used the chance to get in a last word.

"Everything will work out in the end," I murmured, "We'll be okay. One day I'll be only yours, all the time. I'll never stop loving you." He kissed the back of my neck, his tongue sneaking out and brushing against my salty skin.

"I know," he murmured, "and I will never let you go. I will fight for you until the end. But I promise you this: one day, maybe fifty years from now, I will tell you how much I love you, and then we will depart for the afterlife hand in hand."

I closed my eyes tightly, before pulling away from him and letting him sit up. He went up to the dorms without glancing back, and I knew it shouldn't have stung. It probably would have been wiser for us to stop spooning the moment people began filling into the room, but I craved him so much that I couldn't bare to walk away from him.

I walked slowly up to the dorm and straight into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My lungs began burning as I choked back a sob, and before I knew it I had collapsed to my knees. Warm tears were streaming down my face and I tired to keep quiet while I fumbled to cast a muffling charm on the door. Then, when I was sure it worked, I let my wand slip from my fingers and a sob wrack through my body.

In front of me was a floor length mirror, and though I didn't want to I was forced to see myself. I only cried harder, holding myself tight in an attempt to hold myself together. Through my tears I saw the red bruises on my neck, the bite marks, the crescent marks on my thighs. I lay there in a blubbering heap and began unbuttoning my shirt, staring at the marks that littered my skin. I stood on shaky legs and slipped my skirt off, followed by my shoes. I left them in a pile by the door and slowly made my way to the mirror, staring at myself.

I was beautiful, I knew this, but I couldn't accept it. To me I was hideous. I was a monster. I was everything I loathed about humans. I was steeped in sin, too far in, unable to redeem myself. I unclasped my bra and tossed it behind me, before I forced myself to tear my eyes from my reflection. I walked over to the baths and turned on steaming hot water, knowing it would most likely scorch my skin.

I loved Austin with all my heart, but sometimes it was too much to bear.

-

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is property of J.K. Rowling. I own the plot, Adelaide Vicknair, and any other OC's that may be mentioned.

**A/N: **So….an explosive meeting between Annalisa and Austin. I'm sure you remember this from Wallflower. Originally, I wrote this in third person, but then I had to rewrite it in first person. It took two days. Eep!

So…this whole chapter was just smut. Smutty smut smut. Was there a point to this chapter? Most likely not. But it was fun and you know you loved it ;). OH, and thanks for **GirlKitsune**, who was the one to read over this a few months ago (when I originally wrote it) and tell me what I should fix and all that jazz.

B.E. Nomads


	9. Assignment

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Eight: **Assignment

I walked down the hallway of the Hogwarts express alone, knowing Austin and I would have to share a compartment with other Death Eaters. I was rather upset, because this would be the first trip in which we didn't get a compartment to ourselves so we could shag, or wank. It was very strange to me.

When I slid open our compartment, I almost dropped my luggage. I had seen them at the graduation, but…I didn't think they would take the train back.

"Annalisa!" Bellatrix crooned, jumping up immediately and wrapping me into a firm hug. She had always been rather fond of me because of how I went to such great lengths for the Dark Lord. I returned the hug with a small smile.

"It's wonderful to see you too, Bella," I responded before we pulled away. I noticed that Austin was missing. I was just Bella and, surprisingly, Lucius Malfoy. I had never held a conversation with him before but he seemed to be the more bearable of the Death Eaters I was in frequent contact with. Much more refined.

"Annalisa," he said dryly with a sharp nod. He appeared to be less then pleased about whatever was going on.

"Lucius," I greeted, before taking a seat close to the door. Bellatrix slammed the door shut, lowered the shades, and locked it tight. I refrained from commenting and she turned with her usual insane gleam in her eyes.

"I thought there might be more people present," I said. Bellatrix shook her head.

"No, no, we changed plans at the last minute. I have another assignment for you from the Dark Lord," the way her voice caressed his name almost made me gag. I had seen his face. There was definitely nothing lust worthy about _that._ I kept my mouth shut, though. "There is a major ball coming up with a few influential witches and wizards. You will be posing as Lucius' mistress, and he will lead you around the party until you get to the hosts who are very influential in the pureblood community, Mr. Tennison," She raised her hand to cup her mouth as if she were sharing a great secret, though her voice was definitely not a whisper, "his wife is a bit of a slut, been sleeping around a lot. He hasn't gotten any for _months_."

She quickly got back on track, "You need to make the targets stay as…comfortable as possible and adhere to all his whims – if he likes whips and chains, then you better get on your knees and start calling him master." Horror exploded in my chest, and I barely kept my face straight. I wanted to scream, cry, throw a bloody fit, but I knew it would give me away. I settled on keeping my face neutral, knowing if I gave away any other expression I would appear faker then a Zonko's Joke Wand.

"So, you'll do whatever it takes to get his needs fulfilled," Bellatrix finished, "Oh, I'm excited _for _you! Your first big mission for the Dark Lord! Well, I'll leave you two to get acquainted, I'll go and find someone else to bug." She got up quickly and practically skipped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. I finally relaxed, and glanced over at Lucius. At least I knew why he looked upset.

"Look," he sneered, "I'll be frank and tell you that I don't like this. At all. My reputation is on the line here. I don't need people thinking that I have to resort to a _mistress_-,"

"I don't like this either!" I snapped, and before I could stop I found myself crying rather heavily. Lucius looked shocked and curious at the same time. I swallowed down my tears, and began to explain, "I'm dating Austin Mulciber. We're _engaged._ I've never slept with anyone else! I don't…I don't…" I couldn't get it out, and I began sobbing. I was faintly aware of Lucius casting a muffling charm on the door, so no one would hear. He tentatively placed a hand on my back in a comforting manner.

"I'm sorry," I blubbered, "I just…I love him. So much. And I hate myself every day for what I have to do."

Lucius just awkwardly patted me on the back, and I couldn't keep myself from crying. I had worked so hard to keep my body clean, keep it only for Austin, and now, some other man would see me at my most vulnerable, would touch what only belonged to Austin, would be inside of my in ways that only Austin should be. I was never going to be the same after this – I could never let Austin touch me without thinking of the way another man had seen what didn't belong to him.

I was quick to pull myself together and tried to straighten myself up, casting a brief and rather rubbish glamour charm that only hid the worst of my fit. I took in a shaky breath, and it seemed I pulled myself together just in time. The door slid open again, and this time Bella brought with her Avery, Snape, Regulus, and Mulciber. She was still smiling, and no one noticed my expression save Austin, who stared at me with piercing eyes that made my heart thud in fear. Did he know?

"Right, Anna, I want you to bring Pettigrew to us," she demanded, "break things off and bring him here. We need to start getting all the information we can. The Dark Lord is rising in power, and the only thing standing in his way is the Order. The more we know of the Orders members, the easier it will be to predict their actions."

"Of course," I responded blithely before standing and moving quickly out of the compartment. The train whistled and began to move, and I hurried up my steps. It didn't take long to reach the Marauders compartment, and when I did I simply pulled open the door. Black's mouth was open, and I figured that I interrupted him but I couldn't really bring my self to care. Everyone moved their eyes to me and looked at me with no small amount of shock.

"Can I see Peter for a moment?" I asked softly. Peter stood without another word and murmured a quick excuse to his friends before turning and following me out to the hall. I was impatient and only led him about three compartments away before I turned to him with cold, unfeeling eyes. He winced, and I'm not sure he even realized it.

"Look, we can't be seen together ever again," I said, cutting to the chase, "I don't like you, I'm a liar and I've never found you attractive. I was just doing my job." His only reaction was to blink in mild surprise before sighing briefly. I could see the hurt in his eyes, though he otherwise hid his emotions well, but I wanted to laugh at him and revel in his pain. Anything to get my mind off of my own suffering.

"So why did you pull me out?" he asked.

"Because: we made a deal, and you're going to fulfill it," I said stoically as I crossed my arms and glared hatefully down at him, "I have some friends who came to graduation and decided on taking the train back today; you need to inform them of everything you know about the Marauders plans now that they're out of Hogwarts." Peter's eyes narrowed.

"You said you would leave Remus and James out of it," he demanded, and I tutted in a mocking tone. I couldn't keep back my sadistic smile as I let his pain – though cleverly hidden – heal my own wounds, if at least only momentarily.

"I'm a Slytherin, Peter!" I explained, "Since when am I truthful? But listen clearly when I say this: James and Remus are only using you." He snorted.

"Like you did?" he asked. I sighed and leaned against the wall in nonchalance.

"No; why would they want to snog you?" I asked, glancing over his pudgy body and water eyes that made me want to strangle him, "Listen, and listen good: they don't trust you like they do each other. You've always been the one who lagged behind. You're relationship with them is hanging on by bare threads because of how you treated, and continue to treat, Vicknair. Sirius thinks you're an idiot who can't do anything right, James thinks you're good for nothing but pulling pranks, and Remus simply pities you. They only keep you around because you know everything about them, and they are smart enough to know that if you leave them then all their dirty little secretes will get out."

Peter was silent, and I smirked in success. "Now, you're going to come with me, go to my compartment, and do as you're told." I laughed at him again before yanking harshly on his arm and lowering the sleeve, revealing the dark mark and all its glory, "Remember that you belong to us now. You can't turn your back on us, or we'll kill you."

He glared at me, but I let his arm drop back to his side, and barked out a command to follow. He did so and went with me to my compartment, and I was tempted to tell him to heel, sit, or stay. He was so pathetic and for a moment I almost felt sorry for him. Then I remembered he was worthless slime who betrayed his friends. Even though I stood as one of the main forces behind his defection, if he had simply been a person of strong moral fiber we wouldn't be in this position.

I threw open the door dramatically, garnering the others attention with ease, and literally kicked Peter into the compartment. The others sniggered into their palms as he tried to regain some sort of pride and straightened his shirt before sitting down in the only available seat. I didn't mind and took this chance to perch on Austin's lap with ease. No one said anything, though Avery sent us a look that said 'I've-seen-you-naked-so-don't-act-like-that's-innocent' and I didn't even deem him worthy of a response. Austin just rested his hand on my hip and began to rotate his thumb in a soothing manner. As always he knew something was wrong. I was just glad that Peter sat across from me, and I could easily kick him if the need arose – and judging by my poor mood and already vicious attacks on the boy I would be kicking him whether he deserved it or not.

"So, Peter, you're one of the Marauders," Bella drawled, tapping her wand against her chin as she looked at him with a thoughtful expression, "Don't see why they decided to befriend you – you're pathetic."

Peter winced, and the others snickered while Austin slowly began to inch his hand up the back of my shirt. There was nothing naughty about it – it was comforting, as strange as it sounded. Having his skin on mine made all my worries fade slightly, if not completely. Avery eyed us with a knowing look, but wisely said nothing.

"So, what's the what?" he asked, "Leave nothing out."

Peter seemed to deliberate for a very short moment, but soon began to blab with a weird enthusiasm that made me sick. I listened to every word, soaking it in and filing it away. I felt pride fill me as I realized that I had chosen this lump, and as lumpy as this lump was, he was clearly a very useful lump.

"So out of all five, you would say that James is the one with the most power?" Bellatrix asked. Peter nodded.

"He's one of the best wizards out of them all, and everyone seems to listen to him save for Vicknair and Lily," Peter agreed, "Remus isn't one to step in and just stands to the side while James and Sirius goof off. Sirius is the brawn, but he's also smart. Adelaide is over all a good witch, but she lets her emotions rule her."

"Well that's not too different from you, now, is it Peter?" I chimed in with a false benevolent tone, "You're the one who came blubbering to me after she smacked you across the face – though personally I think it made a large improvement." He blushed and my friends laughed gleefully while Austin's hand stopped for a brief moment, but he quickly restarted his ministrations. I rotated my hips and felt the way his body reacted, the way his nails dug into the skin of my back. My mind spun out of control for a moment.

"They're also animagi," Peter offered weakly, as if this snippet of information would redeem him. Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow and Avery leaned forward with a hungry expression.

"Really?"

"We aren't registered," Peter explained, "Sirius is a big, black dog and James is a stag." I quirked my head as he left himself and Lupin out.

"And the rest?" Avery pushed. Peter shuffled nervously.

"Well, Remus is actually a werewolf," he explained, "That's why we became animagi." I groaned in frustration – he was avoiding the question, and my temper was already short.

"And what about you!" Bellatrix snapped, her eyes feral and deadly, "Answer the bloody question, Pettigrew, or you'll find yourself with my wand shoved up your ass!" Peter shrunk back, and mumbled something bashfully. Bellatrix leaned forward and quirked an eyebrow – everything about her screamed danger, and if I were Peter then I would answer her real quickly, "What was that? I didn't quite hear you."

"I'm a rat!" he squeaked, and for a moment there was silent before we all snickered – I was the only one who let the glee show clearly on my face.

"A _rat!" _I laughed, "Oh, this is rich! The one marauder to betray the others, and you're animagus is a bloody _rodent!_" I laughed, and didn't even flinch as Peter's self esteem visibly went down a few notches. I mock pouted and offered him a sarcastic coo. I starched out my foot and nudged his chin, forcing him to look at us, "Don't worry Peter. I'm sure that one day we'll find something good about you."

I dropped my foot and reclined on Austin's lap, buzzing with pleasure. I knew the others could sense it, and I knew that Peter would feel the sting of knowing that I got off wounding his near-nonexistent pride. The door slid open, and I turned to see the trolley lady pull up.

"Anything off the trolley?" she asked. Peter stood quickly.

"I've got to go," he murmured, politely moving past the woman. I mock-pouted.

"Do you have to leave so soon?" I called, "I was just about to poison the pastries!" the others burst out into laughter and Peters footsteps picked up in pace as he disappeared down the hall. The trolley lady gave us all disapproving looks, but I ignored it and bought some chocolate. I needed sugar quickly. She quickly closed the door after everything was bought and I regretfully slipped off of Austin's lap and instead reclaimed my old seat. I grimaced – it was still warm. Austin sent me a look, and I knew he knew that something was up. I wasn't normally so vicious, and he was going to expect me to explain everything.

The ride continued amicably, the silences filled with rude cracks and devout declaration of loyalty. The whole time, Lucius and Snape were deep in conversation and ignoring the cruder remarks made by Avery and Bellatrix, and Regulus – who I had completely forgotten about – was silent but studious, listening to everything with a keen ear. He missed nothing, and even caught the very subtle looks I sent towards Austin. I was only thankful he said nothing.

Then, I disembarked with Austin's hand grasped tightly in mine, our affection hidden by the large crowds of parents and students – none of them paying attention to us. Just as it should be.

It was weeks before I finally forced myself to tell Austin of my new assignment. He never pressured me into telling him anything, which I was thankful for, but sometimes he would watch me and I felt so vulnerable that I almost went out and told him, but I would always chicken out at the last moment. He was surprisingly patient, and it just made my heart ache even more. It was only after I got the letter from the ministry containing my mothers will (or lack there of) that I realized I had to tell him.

Apparently, my mother had killed herself the same exact way as my father, the same day, the same time, the same room, and the same spot. The only difference was that this time, I wasn't there to see it, and this time no one was there to tend to her body. It wasn't until the smell had gotten so grotesque that the only neighbor she had began to complain – and by then her body wasn't fit for an open-casket funeral. I had her cremated and I threw the ashes into a dumpster.

I was left everything, as her only living blood relative. I was left the house I hated, that I didn't even stay in. I lived with Austin in the cabin that held such fond memories for me. The only upside was that I was left her money – a rather ridiculous amount, if I said so myself. She was loaded, with more money than I ever thought possible. So, just because I liked the sound of being rich, I promptly sold the rickety old house and everything in it save for my younger brothers old teddy, which I hid away from my mother after she, in a drunken rage, decided to burn all of his belongings. It now rested in one of the spare bedrooms, setting on the unused bed and giving the desolate room a sad, melancholy feeling.

I tried to break it to him as easy as possible – after he got home from work (I wasn't sure were he worked, but I didn't particularly care. It brought home money and I knew he would never do anything to damage our relationship) I sat him down at the kitchen table. I panicked, then, and for ten excruciating minutes we sat in silence. He could see the distress in my face, but he kept himself calm for my sake.

"Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?" he asked. I sighed, and resigned myself what was only bound to happen.

"I have a job," I said, and his eyes darkened immediately. He didn't say anything, didn't get angry, but I knew that inside he was boiling. I took his silence as a request to keep talking, so I did.

"On August 17th, the well known ministry official Dennis Tennison will be hosting a party, where all high standing pure-blood families will attend," I whispered, "He has recently agreed to support the Dark Lords attempts at gaining power in the Ministry and is willing to provide information for a few small prices. One of which is a warm welcome. I will be posing as Lucius Malfoy's mistress, and after a certain length of mingling I am to make sure that Tennison is seen to as he pleases."

There was a stretch of unbearable silence where Austin just looked at me blankly, his eyes unseeing as he seemed to have a mental chat with himself. I could see the anger rising up, making him frown and clench his fists. I sat there and let him stew, until finally he spoke.

"I'm bringing up our relationship at the next meeting," he said, his voice deceptively calm, "Perhaps then you won't be forced to…" he couldn't even finish his sentence.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I reached across the table to grab his hand, but he instead moved it to his lap. My heart broke. I watched as he stood, the chair obnoxiously loud in the silent room, and began to make his way to our room. He stopped when he was outside the door.

"I think you should sleep in your own room tonight," he said, his voice cool.

"Okay," I whispered meekly, tears already falling down my face. He shut the door behind him, and I knew that he cast a silencing charm to spare me. He had an explosive temper, and was likely destroying the room with his bare hands. Finally, I stood, silently moving the chair back before I retreated up stairs and into the room with my brothers' only possession.

Without changing clothes, I lay myself down on the bed and clutched the tattered bear to my chest and began to cry.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Caralise Mulciber, Adelaide Vicknair/Black, Caryn Gree, and other misc. OC's.

**A/N:** !IMPORTANT! Here's thing, next chapter has Annalisa's assignment – I kind of want to write it in detail (if you know what I mean) but I'm not sure how you all would like that. So, just tell me if it bothers you, and I won't post it. It wont be a happy scene, and the next chapter will definitely veer on the darker side of life. It has Annalisa at one of her worst moments, and it's very VERY depressing and angsty.

Just thought I would warn you. So, tell me what you think and all that jazz and keep reading!

Ah, and so the mysterious friendship between Lucius and Annalisa is revealed…and no, they aren't secret lovers. Malfoy loves his wife, despite what many authors choose to depict. :)

My favorite part? : "…I had chosen this lump, and as lumpy as this lump was, he was clearly a very useful lump."

Yours truly,  
B.E. Nomads


	10. Apologize

**Calendula: Part One**

**Chapter Nine: **Apologize

We hadn't spoken since I told him about the assignment other than when I tell him dinner was ready, or that we were out of toilet paper, or other mundane home related questions. There was nothing civil about the house we lived in, and the good memories were being drowned by the weight of the hellish month of hatred and anger that clawed at me viciously, tearing at my throat and heart without any thought or remorse.

We slept in the same room again, but on separate sides of the bed. He didn't even look at me, didn't return the sentiment when I wished him good night. I would cry, and he wouldn't even turn to hold me.

It was the silence that killed me. I would rather he scream and hit me (not that he ever had) than just avoid looking at me, avoid contact with me, avoid speaking to me. Every night I just cried myself to sleep, and every morning I cried when I realized he had left early for work again.

And now I stood in the mirror, looking at the beautiful dress that I was wearing for a man other than my fiancé. It was truly beautiful, and I felt my heart break even more. It was pure white and clung to my skin and my hips until it slowly flared out and pooled at my feet. It hugged my curves, with only thin strips of fabric holding the dress up while it shot down in a dramatic v and revealed the best of my cleavage.

My hand shook as I applied my make up, but when I realized doing it by hand would be impossible I just waved my wand and let my magic do all the work. I made sure that the mascara was waterproof, though. I went dramatic, with smoky eye shadow and deep red lips, and a light dusting of blush along my cheeks to make me look slightly less dead than I felt. It barely worked. I stepped away from the mirror, and for a moment, I contemplated breaking it.

I turned away before I could, and instead exited the bathroom and entered the kitchen, where my shoes sat innocently at the table. It was a simple pair of white stiletto's that was also very beautiful, but I knew after tonight I would never be able to touch them again. I sat down in a chair and made sure to move as slowly as possible, making sure they latched tight enough to keep them from slipping. When I finished, I just sat there, waiting for the clock to strike and Lucius to arrive.

The bedroom door opened and Austin stepped out, his gaze glassy and his lips pursed as he thought about something. I averted my gaze quickly – looking at him made me physically hurt.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, and his voice was raw. I didn't turn around as I whispered a small "Thank you."

I heard his footsteps get closer and was surprised when he stood in front of me, his hand outstretched.

"Dance with me," he said. I looked up at him curiously.

"We have no music," I whispered, but as I said it I took his hand and stood, balancing perfectly in my shoes. He pulled me closer and wrapped an arm around my waist, his hand resting against my bare back.

"Do we need any?" he countered. We moved away from the table and into the open space where the Christmas tree had stood what felt like many years ago. We rotated slowly, our feet making only small steps and I was pressed as close to him as possible. I rested my head against his shoulder, and he pressed his chin to the top of my head.

"Will you still be mine when you come back?" he asked softly.

"I'll always be yours," I whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He didn't respond and we just kept dancing until the clock struck and the doorbell rang. We froze and I slowly pulled myself away to look up at him. He stared at me for a moment, before gently pressing his lips to mine. It was a chaste kiss, but it made my heart break. I forced myself to pull away, and I turned my back on him to reach the door. I hesitated just a moment before I pulled it open, and spotted a less-than-pleased Lucius dressed in a set of black formal robes and his hand wrapped around his snake-topped-cane.

"Miss Bertucci," he greeted. I nodded, and turned to watch Austin as he simply watched. I turned back to Lucius and smiled weakly.

"Should we leave?" I asked pleasantly. He observed me for a moment, but nodded. I walked with him and closed the door behind me. The sound of it _clicking _shut made my heart lurch and I forced myself to take a shaky breath. Lucius offered me his arm, and I hesitated before grabbing it. There was then the tight, unbearable feeling of apparition, and before I could stop myself I ambled to the side of the street and let my lunch spill all over the road. I heaved for a few moments, until there was nothing left and then I just kneeled there, scared to stand.

"We need to start walking if we don't want to be late," Lucius said patiently. I nodded and stood, but he held up his hand, "Let me just…" he waved his wand and I felt a pleasant tingle in my mouth and tasted a faint minty burst as my mouth cleaned. I smiled weakly.

"Thank you," I said. He nodded and offered me his arm again, and I quickly looped mine through his. We began walking then, and I was scared out of my mind. Lucius kept his eyes straight ahead and his emotions completely under control.

"You need to look happier," he instructed, "If you walk in here like that, then Mr. Tennison will be less than pleased and you will end up on the wrong side of the Dark Lord."

"I just need to gather myself," I responded weakly. He sent a glance my way but only nodded. We were about a block away when I finally calmed my racing heart and managed to slip into my façade for the night, keeping my personality light and peaceable. Lucius noticed the change but said nothing, which I had to thank him for – if he had it would have slipped and we would have been fucked. I grimaced at the thought, but quickly pushed all my emotions aside and became a walking doll.

Then we were there, and a large, absolutely exquisite white mansion stood tall and proud, surrounded with beautiful foliage that made a botanical garden look homely. We quickly ascended the large white marble steps leading up to the door, where a doorman/guard stood waiting to accept our invitations. Lucius pulled a piece of parchment from his shirt and handed it to the doorman without preamble, and the man inspected it closely before nodding and waving them in.

"It's a pleasure to have you, Mr Malfoy, Miss Bertucci," he said in a deep voice. I smiled flirtatiously, making him blush, and kept up with Lucius as we navigated through the swarms of people, everyone dressed more elegantly than the last. The women were beautiful and the men up scale, and I felt out of place. I knew I looked the part, but I didn't feel the part.

"Mr. Tennison is waiting for you," Lucius whispered in my ear, "I'm not sure what he has planned for you, so be prepared."

I nodded with borrowed confidence and walked as if I was born to be here. I saw the way the women look at me with jealous eyes, the way the men looked at me with lustful eyes. Lucius ignored everyone, so I decided to follow his example. He led me through the people and came to a stop near an innocuous white door, and beside the door was a handsome man about six feet tall, with tanned skin and baby blue eyes that most women probably swooned after. He had short dark hair and a slight stubble that I wasn't too fond of, but over all he was an attractive man.

"Mr. Tennison." Lucius greeted. The man grinned widely, showing off rows of perfectly white teeth.

"Lucius! I see you've brought our…guest," he said, letting his eyes scan hungrily over my body. I felt like running then and there, but I quickly pushed all of myself away until all that was left was the seductress that I knew I could be, the beautiful woman who could bring a man to his knees with just a few well placed words. I smiled flirtatiously at him and offered him my hand.

"Annalisa," I said in a low voice. He grinned and took my offered hand before placing a kiss on it.

"I think that we're going to get along just fine," he said smoothly. I looked him over with a smile.

"Oh, I'm sure we will," I purred. He pulled me closer to him until I was flush against him, able to feel his hard muscles and the proof of his excitement pressed against my middle. He turned to Lucius, who looked as stoic as ever.

"Well, Lucius, I hope you enjoy the rest of the party," he said, "Don't worry too much – I'll give her back to you in one piece. You have my oath."

"I'll be sure to," Lucius drawled. He turned and left quickly without a glance back. Tennison let his hand run along my back before he grabbed the handle of the door that now look like a passage into hell in my eyes. I kept up my persona though, and he was quick to shuffle us into the room, closing the door and locking it immediately. It was a beautiful white room with gold accents, and a king sized bed sat proudly against the wall to my left, with a crème duvet and a gold colored iron head board. The room looked innocent enough, but then I saw the pole directly across the bed, the handcuffs setting innocently on the nightstand, along with a collar and leash, and a gag. Hanging innocently above the bed were two leather strips, and at the end of each were leather cuffs.

I was only thankful that there were no whips.

"Well look who's prepared," I said. He chuckled and trailed his fingers along my back. I shivered involuntarily but he took it as a good sign and slowly spun me around before backing me towards the bed.

"I was wondering where we should start," he said, running his hand down my front slowly, and I let my body react to his touch. He was an attractive man, and he had a nice touch. I had to let my body have complete control tonight, or else I could end up dead.

"Well, normally people get to know each other," I said flirtatiously as I ran my fingers over his chest and fiddled with the hems of his robe, "But I don't think that you're the kind of guy who likes to dilly dally with formalities." He hummed and scanned my body again, before he plucked at one of the straps of my dress.

"I'd like you to take this off," he said, his voice rough, "I think that you would look much better without it."

"Are you going to take anything off?" I asked as I slowly lowered the small zipper in back. He grinned and shrugged off his robe and pulled off his shirt, leaving his chest bare – and a nice chest it was.

'_Not as nice as Austin's,' _I thought, and I quickly pushed the thoughts aside. I looked up at Tennison through my lashes and let the dress slowly begin to fall from my body until it pooled at my feet. His gaze was hungry as he took in my chest greedily and then admired my white thong. He stepped forward and with no warning, captured my lips in a kiss.

And what a kiss it was – he had obviously had practice. His lips moved expertly against mine and I kept up easily. While his lips bruised mine, his hands wasted no opportunities and began to palm and massage my breasts, and when my nipples stood to attention he wasted no time in taking them between his calloused fingers and rolling them expertly, making my hips buck towards him and my body react powerfully.

"Fuck," I whispered as he moved his mouth to my neck and began to leave a string of hickies. It was as if he knew what I liked as he paid special attention to the spot behind my ear, and I couldn't help the frankly embarrassing way heat flooded my body and my juices pooled in my knickers. I was wet, and I was ashamed, but I knew it was for the best.

"That's what I plan on doing," he said playfully, and I couldn't help but laugh weakly as we began to back up towards the bed. When we were close enough, he picked me up and deposited me in the middle. I quickly got comfortable and made sure I was splayed provocatively in front of him, my legs spread slightly and my chest thrust forward only the slightest bit. He growled before straddling me and running his lips down my chest, where he took my nipple into his mouth and began to suckle me expertly, his free hand massaging my neglected breast and sending waves of heat through my body. I whimpered and bucked against him and I felt him grin before he pulled away.

"How about we have some fun?" he asked, his voice husky and dripping sex. My body reacted and my heart twanged painfully.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow. He grinned and quickly flipped us over so I was straddling his waist. I was patient, if not curious, as he lifted one of my arms at a time and placed them into the leather cuffs.

"Too tight?" he asked, and I was quick to shake my head. He grinned and I pulled at them experimentally, and he seemed satisfied when they held. He spoke then, "Normally I gag the girls, but that's because their voices are so annoying…but you on the other hand, have a voice I want to hear all night long."

"Thanks," I responded cheekily, "I've never been fond of gags." I didn't really know that – Austin and I didn't exactly use anything to 'spice up the bedroom'. I mentally chastised myself again, before I shifted my weight, "Well? What are you waiting for?" I asked. He grinned before kneeled in front of me and began to kiss me once again. My mind blanked and my heart thudded as his tongue ran across my lips, and I surprised myself by responding almost eagerly, taking his tongue in with greed and gently sucking, before letting my tongue sneak out to explode his mouth.

He grew tired of kissing then, and separated from me, but his hands moved further south until he was rubbing my clit slowly, making my head spin.

"Someone's excited," he murmured, and I could only whimper and buck uselessly against his hand. He chuckled before running a finger along my slit. He removed his hand and made me whimper pathetically, but he hooked his thumb on the edge of my knickers and yanked them down. I moved to help him pull them off, and he tossed them aside, where the caught on the lamp. Then he grabbed my legs, and before I really knew what was going my legs were hooked around his shoulders and his tongue was exploring my pussy.

"Oh, FUCK!" I cried, and he chuckled, which only made me writhe in pleasure even more. I hadn't had sex in a long time (for me, anyway) and this felt _amazing_, even though I knew Austin could do better. I pushed the stubborn thoughts aside, and instead concentrated one two things: One, supporting myself with the leather cuffs, and two, the feel of his expert tongue exploring my pussy and circling my nub.

"Damn, Annalisa," he murmured, "You're so fucking wet."

I bucked against his face and he obeyed my not-so-silent plea and began focusing on eating me out. My mind fizzled out and I could only make high pitched, breathy noises that belonged in a porno more than here.

Before I knew it I was coming hard on his face, and he eagerly lapped at my offerings. He then pulled away with a grin, his face coated in my juices, and he let my legs return to the bed. I glanced down at the bulge in his pants, and I watched eagerly (I am ashamed to admit) as he began the long and tedious job of removing his trousers. When they were tossed aside, all that was left were his pants, and then he sprung free from his confines as he pulled them off. I gulped. He was wider than Austin, but not longer, and I wasn't sure how this would work out.

I felt my heart breaking as I found my body eager to take this mans cock inside me and ride him until my legs gave out and he popped like warm champagne.

He laid back and I scooted forward until I was hovering over his engorged cock. I glanced at him and he grabbed my hips eagerly, his gaze dark and heavy with lust. I smirked at him before slowly running my slit along the bulbous tip of his cock, enjoying every time he rubbed against my swollen and aching clit. He groaned and thrust up, but I avoided him.

"Ah, ah," I chastised, "Let mummy take care of you," He relaxed and I began to tease him again, letting my juices lubricate his length. Finally, I sunk down and he groaned as his tip pushed inside of my throbbing pussy. I controlled myself though and moved slowly, taking him in inch by inch until he was about to loose his mind. When I finally took him in, I was stretched further than I had ever been stretched before, and I couldn't say I liked it. It was uncomfortable, and I worked slowly, sliding off of his cock until only the tip remained before sliding back down.

"Fuck, Annalisa," he moaned. I lost control then, and began to bounce eagerly on his cock, taking him in and letting him slip from my body over and over again until I couldn't breath easily, and I tossed my head back as his finger began to massage my clit and make my heart explode as I came. He groaned under me as my muscles squeezed him hard, and then he roared as he came. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I rotated my hips eagerly.

I could barely hold myself up any more and my arms stung more than they had ever stung in my life.

I thought we were done. I was proven wrong, though, when he slipped out of me and began unlocking me, allowing me to slump on the bed. I caught my breath, but he was already standing and moving across to the only other door. My eyes widened as another handsome man entered and began eyeing me lecherously.

"She's good," Tennison said, "Just like he promised." He turned to me then and offered me a polite smile, "You're okay with this, right? He did say that you would be prepared to do anything…" I hesitated for only a fraction of a second before smiling flirtatiously and nodding my consent, running a hand down my already tired body.

"The more the merrier," I said. The man quickly stripped and moved to join me on the bed, and Tennison was not far behind.

"This is Robert Duhamel," he said, "He's also interested in furthering the Dark Lords cause." I grinned at him but my heart was starting to crumble to bits in my chest.

"As I said – the more the merrier."

.

I was silent as I walked out of the party, my dress in perfect condition and my make up touched up, and Lucius stood beside me with a nervous expression. I was surprisingly calm, even though my legs ached and my lower half stung – specifically my formerly-virgin ass, which had been invaded several times that night by both men multiple times, often while the other was fucking my pussy, which felt as if it were some huge cavern. I couldn't sit, this I knew, and it felt like I would never know the comfort of a chair again. It was worse than anything I had ever felt.

It was nothing in comparison to the emotional whirlwind that was spinning wildly through me.

"Are you alright?" Lucius asked kindly. I felt my face screw up as I tried desperately to hold back my tears, my lips twisting down in an angry frown.

"No," I whimpered. I couldn't stop myself as I began to cry, hiccupping and rubbing my tears away futilely. Lucius grabbed my arm and we moved quickly away from the estate, and only then did he offer me a hug that was surprisingly warm. I cried then, even though I probably got make up all over his robes, and I clung to him like a helpless newborn.

"It'll get better one day," he said, and though I knew it wouldn't and he knew it wouldn't, it was nice to hear him say it.

"No it won't," I blubbered, "But thanks for the sentiment."

We stood there for a while before I forced myself to pull away from his comfort and gripped only his arm, "Take me home?" I asked weakly. He nodded, and I managed to survive the uncomfortable feeling. I thanked him before turning towards my door.

"Annalisa?" he called, and I turned to see his worried gaze that shone with knowledge, "Don't do anything stupid."

I didn't say anything as I entered our home and closed the door softly behind me. My thoughts were in a whirlwind and my heart felt like it was being ripped to pieces and injected with poison all at once. I let out a loud sob before quickly covering my mouth – I didn't want to wake Austin up. He didn't need to see…

I didn't finished my thought as I stumbled to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it tight, making sure no one was getting in unless they blew the fucker off its hinges. I stumbled to the sinks, and for the first time I looked at myself in the mirror.

I barely looked for a second before I punched it, making my hand bleed viciously and the pain didn't even faze me – I welcomed it with open arms. It was better that the emotional pain that was tearing at my soul and making me slowly loose my mind. I just knew I wanted this pain to _end _– permanently.

I didn't let myself think any further than that as I yanked open the medicine cabinet and began shifting through the miscellaneous potions that on normal conditions wouldn't be fatal. This wasn't exactly normal conditions.

I didn't read the label and instead pulled off all the different vials (a grand total of twenty-five), and I quickly de-corked all of them. I picked up the first one – a complicated sleeping potion that worked quickly, but not quick enough to keep me from downing the twenty-four other potions – each simple enough but dangerous in high doses. With all these different potions in me it would be impossible for me to survive.

I lifted the vial to my lips and sent a mental apology to Austin.

"Annalisa?" Austin's voice called softly from the other side of the door, "Are you okay?"

My hand froze, his voice brought me back to earth, and I let out a gut-wrenching sob before I dropped the vial and stumbled to the door, clumsily unlocking it and throwing myself into his arms, crying viciously. I couldn't see, could barely breath, but I cloud hear the way his breath caught as he spotted the alignment of vials.

"Annalisa?" he asked, his voice low, "What…?"

"I'm so sorry," I whispered brokenly, clutching him tightly, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I'm s-s-sorry…"

"You were going to kill yourself," he said, his voice filled with anguish. I couldn't speak anything other my broken apologies and sobs, over and over again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered. Austin's knees gave out and we collapsed to the floor, and he held me even closer, so tight I could barely breathe. He pressed his lips to my forehead and began rocking back and forth while I continued to whisper my broken apologies. He was sobbing, too, and it was a sad pathetic sound that ripped at my heart and made me apologize even more.

"Don't leave me, Anna," he pleaded, "Please, don't do that ever again. I need you, baby. You can't leave me." His hand was entangled in my hair, and though his touch comforted me, it made me feel dirt at the same time. I was unclean, I had been _invaded._

"Don't leave me," he repeated, "God, Anna, I love you. You can't leave me. I love you so much." He kept sobbing, and I could only apologize in broken sobs. I knew that I would never be good enough, but this – this was an all-time-low. I could only apologize – it was the only thing that would ever make this better.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Caralise Mulciber, Adelaide Vicknair/Black, Caryn Gree, and other misc. OC's.

**A/N:** …I can't think of anything to say – that made ME almost start crying. Here is the dress that Annalisa was wearing in the beginning for her assignment: http:/ callister . berceloteh . com / wp – content / uploads /2009 / 12 / sexy – dresses . jpg, just remove the spaces.

You can also now follow me on Twitter: BENomads be my name, and there's a link in my profile.

B.E. Nomads


	11. Suspicions

**Chapter Ten: **(Suspicions)

"To what do I owe this surprise?" I asked softly as Austin led me towards a large, expensive restaurant – we hadn't gone out to eat in such a long time, and I had a feeling this wasn't just a casual date. He wanted to say something, and was sucking up to try and soften me to whatever he had to say. It wouldn't work – I was too on edge already.

We took out seats and the waiter took our drink orders before disappearing, leaving us to our own awkward silence. Everything was strained now underneath the mild and pointless conversations we always had. We could never talk about anything involving our feelings any more, and I was terrified that what we had would disappear the longer it went on.

"I talked with the Dark Lord the other day." Austin finally said. My head jerked up and my mouth popped open to say something – anything – when the waiter appeared with our drinks. I politely closed my mouths and thanked him accordingly. Suddenly Austin's surprise date made sense – he didn't want me over reacting, so he decided to have this go down in public. The irritating bastard.

"What about?" I asked, purposefully acting oblivious. His eyebrow ticked in annoyance.

"You know exactly what about." He ground out. I tried not to smile – his plan was backfiring on him. Sometimes he forgot that between the two of us he had the worse temper. "The Dark Lord and I managed to come to an…agreement."

"That's nice, now how many crucios did it take for him to agree?" I asked blithely, watching as his hand clenched around his glass.

"I don't think that's relevant." Austin finally said after taking a long drink, "You've got two years."

"Two years till what?" I pushed, "Till he lets me leave? I think not. You don't just leave his orders – you follow them till you die, Austin."

"Two years to find a replacement." Austin growled, "Two years until you're condemned to do this as long as you're young and…vibrant."

"Oh, nice word choice there, are you looking to get laid any time soon?" I asked, irritation getting the best of me.

"Why are you so upset with me?" Austin finally asked in honest confusion, "I've done us a favor, Lisa. We can finally be us again."

"How long were you tortured before the Dark Lord agreed to let me go?" I demanded. He opened his mouth only to hesitate as the waiter appeared at just the wrong moment.

"Are you ready to order?" he asked politely.

"I'll have the chicken marsala." I said.

"Shrimp alfredo." Austin bit out. The waitor – John his tag read – looked hesitantly between us before nodding.

"Is that all?" he asked.

"Yes." I said before Austin could snap again, "Thank you."

The waiter disappeared with our menus and Austin turned back to his drink, taking his merry old time. The water was half gone by the time he sat it down.

"How many, Austin?" I asked.

"Seven." He finally admitted, grimacing unpleasantly, "Seven crucios, each longer than the last. Do you want me to tell you what it felt like, or are you happy now?"

I couldn't answer him properly – I could only stare at him in awe as he continued to sit ramrod straight and play with the wrapper on his straw. The last week suddenly made more sense – the way he jumped whenever there was a loud sound, the way he winced with every step he took, his nervousness whenever I used my wand. I slowly reached across the table and grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at me. He looked like a scared kid waiting to be punished.

Instead I smiled and squeezed his hand softly. "Thank you." I said honestly. He smiled weakly, and for the moment I could forget any of the stress the last week had brought.

"What am I allowed to do?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Austin asked as the waiter handed us our food.

"I mean, to do this. What can I do, what can't I do?" I continued, pausing to thank the waiter who nodded and left without another word. "To persuade them, that is."

"Anything and everything." He said as he pushed a stray shrimp around his plate, "As long as another man doesn't touch you then I can live. This means you can get out, Lisa, and I can deal with anything if it means having you all to myself one day."

"I won't let you down." I promised, "I wont fail."

"I know you wont babe." He responded with a trusting smile, "I've got faith in you."

We relaxed back into familiar banter and smiles that reminded me of Hogwarts again. It was a refreshing change, and for the first time in weeks I felt that things would be okay between us.

.

I couldn't stop my leg from jumping nervously as I stared intently at the calendar, where the previous Thursday had a large red circle around it accompanied with a childish frowny face that Austin had added on an impulse. This time, however, it didn't make me laugh. It made me want to cry.

I was late.

This wasn't an odd occurrence – I had had several pregnancy scares with Austin over the course of our Hogwarts career. But this time it was different. I hadn't slept with him since that night – not out of lack of trying, but because I couldn't let him touch me without feeling so shamed that I burst into tears. The only possibility was…

I stood as abruptly as I cut off my thoughts. I wasn't going to go there – I probably just miss counted. I moved towards the door and reached out to open it, before stopping.

Maybe if I just checked one more time…

I hurried back to the calendar and flipped back to the previous red circle – August 24, and did the math again. It didn't change – I was still a week late exactly. I nervously ran my fingers through my hair and unwillingly thought back to that day, when I was getting ready for the party.

I'd taken a shower and styled my hair, before pulling on the dress and then doing my make up. I had tried on my shoes before taking them off again and searching for another pair, only to return and choose those shoes anyway. Then I'd paced for a while, and then I'd waited until Lucius arrived, dancing with Austin until then.

I froze, though, and as my memory cleared I sprinted into the bathroom and yanked open a drawer, where all my personal products were. My heart was racing and I felt like I could burst into tears simply from the stress at any minute. I quickly pulled out a rack of test tubes, each one filled with my monthly birth control, and I nervously glanced at the one slot labeled 'August 17', ironically the day of the party.

The vial was still in its slot.

I had forgotten to take my potion.

The weeks following were hell, and the moment I missed my next period I was out at the pharmacy, buying a pre-made pregnancy test. I knew that I could usually make this myself, but I was so nervous, so terrified, that it was safest if I bought one. The woman smiled at me but otherwise said nothing. I wondered what she thought of me, and my imagination went wild. I was quick to leave the store.

When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and stared at the potion for a long, long time. It must have been thirty minutes before I shakily uncorked the potion and downed it. I waited for eight seconds, when there was a soft golden glow around my stomach.

I groaned and let my head drop back against the wall. For a moment my head stopped spinning, stopped thinking, and the only thing I could manage to understand was that I was pregnant. Pregnant with a child that wasn't Austins.

I heard the front door open and I panicked. I couldn't face Austin, not yet. I couldn't even face myself. Without thinking I apparated away. I think a part of me hoped that I would splinch myself just to escape this hell that my life was turning into, just so I could say it was an accident and my death wasn't a suicide. Unfortunately I was fine when I landed. I was standing at the bottom of a majestic if gloomy hill, looking up at the dark roof of Malfoy Manor.

I walked slowly but diligently up the hill, the cold causing my nose to work overtime and the wind causing my eyes to blur with tears. I knew it was the wind, because I honestly couldn't fully comprehend what was happening. I think I was in shock.

The doors to Malfoy Manor were huge and dark, like the rest of the property. I had to admit that large and gloomy houses seemed to be a constant in the line of Death Eaters and Purebloods. One day I hoped to meet one who had a mansion that was pure blinding white with a beautiful garden and yellow living room walls.

I didn't even have to knock before the door opened and Narcissa Malfoy stood there, her blone hair gleaming and her stance protective. I didn't blame her – my reputation would lead any woman to be nervous when it came to their lovers.

"Can I help you?" Narcissa managed to ask calmly, venom clear in her eyes but absent in her voice. I had to commend her for that feat alone.

"C-can I speak with Lucius?" I asked awkwardly, sniffling slightly as a hard gust of wind tossed my hair in my face.

Narcissa was silent for a long moment as she observed me, and I could see the cogs moving in her mind. "Alone?" she finally asked. I shifted awkwardly.

"W-well I would prefer it, but if you want to be there you can." I finally said, knowing any other answer would set her on edge. Narcissa pursed her lips and gave me a look over before nodding and stepping aside. Though I was taller than her, she made me feel as if I were only three feet tall. Narcissa was a woman I could respect, with her values high and her appearance grand despite all obstacles.

I entered the large manor for the first time and found myself in awe. There were no sunny walls or warm furniture, but there was a sense of love that filled the empty space that made it a little more tolerable. Bellatrix's house was a mess, possibly one of the darkest homes she had ever been in. It didn't help that the Dark Lord paid many visits to the Lestrange house – anywhere the Dark Lord stepped seemed to whither and lose any sense of home it might have had.

"Y-you have a beautiful home." I said politely. Narcissa preened slightly.

"Yes, Lucius and I worked very hard on revamping the place. If you think its dark now you should have seen it when his parents still lived here – it looked more like a museum than a house." She explained, and I gained another notch of respect for this woman. How could someone so accommodating be related to a wretch like Bellatrix?

She lead me up a set of stairs and too a slim wooden door decorated with a black doorknob. She gave it a short rap with her fists and it opened immediately. Lucius blinked in confusion when he spotted me beside his wife.

"This is a surprise." He said slowly, "To what do I owe this visit?"

I opened my mouth but hesitated, and Narcissa seemed to sense my uneasiness.

"I'll leave you two alone for now." She said, turning her eyes on me for an icy second, warning me without words before she left just as quickly as they had arrived. Lucius' eyes followed his wife and he sighed as her slim form disappeared down the hall.

"Well, come in." he said, stepping aside and motioning me in. He moved to close the door but I stopped it with my hand.

"I-I think Narcissa would rather the door stay open." I said, biting my lip. He gave me a scrutinizing stare before nodding and heading to his desk, sitting down in a plush armchair and motioning me over to a matching loveseat.

"Well?" he asked. I sighed shakily. How could I possibly get around to saying this? This wasn't something you went about telling another man before you told your fiancé, and in most circumstances the fiancé would be the one who fathered the child.

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out when the silence seemed to stretch on too long for my tastes. Lucius quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, congratulations, but what does this have to do with me?" Lucius asked. Tears began to sting at my eyes.

"I-It isn't Austins." I said, "It's…from the assignment."

His eyes widened in understanding and he leaned back in shock, staring at me as if I'd told him I was going to give birth to a two headed octopus.

"Bloody hell, Bertucci." He said in shock, "Why the hell did you let that happen?"

"I didn't let it happen!" I snapped, my voice thick with a mixture of anger and tears, "It just did! I-I was panicking and I wasn't thinking, Austin wasn't talking to me, I was about to go sleep with a man I didn't even know, and it didn't even occur to me that I was supposed to take my potion!" I buried my head in my hands and let out a pathetic sob. It was a long moment before Lucius awkwardly patted me on the back – he was clearly inept when it came to comforting a crying woman but the fact that he tried was more than enough.

"What do I do?" I asked pathetically.

"Have you told Mulciber?" he asked patiently, slowly regaining his composure. I shook my head.

"I heard the door open and I panicked." I admitted shamefully, "I apparated away and wound up here."

Lucius paused, and when he spoke his voice was more angry than I would have expected. "You apparated in your condition?" he snapped, "You could have splinched yourself, then what would you do? You're a careless woman, Bertucci. I'm beginning to think you don't have a heart after all."

Normally I would have gotten angry, but I was so distraught that I just sobbed harder. I knew what I did was foolish, I did it despite that, and I didn't need him to remind me.

"God, I just wanna die." I moaned, curling in on myself. Lucius sighed in aggravation, and I listened as he stood and left the room. I remained in my spot, curled up and sobbing, until the click of heels distracted my and I felt a new presence standing beside me.

"Sit up." Narcissa demanded. I couldn't deny her, and I did so slowly, my eyes red and my vision blurry. I glanced at her shamefully, and opened my mouth.

_Smack!_

My head jerked to the side as her palm connected with my face and my eyes widened in surprise. I glanced at her to see her face was as calm and collected as anyone's, but her eyes held a fury that could only be topped by a vengeful God.

"Pull yourself together." She demanded without any trace of sympathy, "How dare you call yourself a Death Eater? You should be noble and proud!"

"I'm a whore!" I cried, standing in outrage, "How the hell am I supposed to be proud of that!"

"You should at least be able to appear that way." Narcissa growled, "Now listen here – this child is your mistake, you need to deal with it."

My heart stopped, "D-Deal with it? As in-?"

"It doesn't matter how as long as you do." Narcissa interrupted, "Adoption, abortion, I don't care. In the end that's going to rest on your heart. You may be a Death eater but you are also a woman – a Pureblood woman! And you haven't even spoken to your lover yet." She shook her head in disgust, "I thought lowly of you before but now I don't think I can even look at you."

Anger reared its head and my hand itched to connect with her face as it had mine. "You try and deal with something like this!" I snapped, "This isn't something that just goes away!"

"You must hold yourself as if it does!" Narcissa retorted, "Do you think the Dark Lord would tolerate a weakness like this? Do you think if he heard one snippet of this weakness he would let you be? He would crucio the heart out of you. Now tell me which is better – living with this pain shoved away in your heart, or having the ability to feel at all ripped away from you?"

I didn't stay to listen to her and I stormed away, my fury eating away at any logical thought. Lucius watched from the hallway, clearly having heard everything his wife had said but just as clearly not caring.

"She is a weak woman." I heard Narcissa say to her husband, superiority and disdain clear in her voice, "Don't get me involved with her problems again. I have no patience for a fool."

I didn't bother making it to the door – I apparated away right where I stood.

I quickly pushed aside my anger and entered our home with fury and grief buzzing around my skull. It was a dangerous combination and I knew that it would be best for me to calm down before I tried to make any decisions. I went into our room to change into some pajamas only to freeze – Austin was there, glancing at the calendar with a frown. He grinned when he saw me and I could see the strain in his eyes.

"I guess I'm going to have to wait another week?" he asked lightly. My mouth dropped open and I looked like a fish, before a sob from no where slipped through my mouth. Austin's mouth dropped open in surprise before he dashed towards me, pulling me into a hug.

"Kitten? What's wrong?" he asked.

His pet name only made me sob harder, and made him panic even more. He pulled away and placed his hands lovingly on my shoulders, running his thumbs in circles while he looked me in the eye.

"Annalisa, love, you need to tell me what's wrong," he said softly. I hiccupped and rubbed furiously at my cheeks, which only made me cry harder.

"I-I-I'm l-l-l…" I hiccupped, and tried again, "I-I'm l…l…late!"

At first he didn't seem to understand what I was saying, and he tilted his head in confusion. Then realization sparked in his eyes and his grip tightened. I hiccupped as his eyes hardened and he swallowed nervously.

"You're sure?" he asked. I nodded, unable to speak. His hands dropped from my shoulder and he took a step away from me – that movement alone launched me into action, and I hugged him fiercely, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Don't leave me, Austin!" I cried painfully, "I-I can't lose you! Please, don't leave me because of this. I'm sorry, baby, please…don't…don't go…please…"

He quickly wrapped his arms around me and shushed me softly, rocking me back in forth. Some random part of my mind noted that he would be a good father. It only made me sob harder.

"Have you taken a test?" he asked gravely. I nodded.

"I-I-I'm p-p-pregnant." I hiccupped. Austin froze and it only made me squeeze him tighter. "Don't leave me alone baby, please. I'm sorry – so s-sorry!"

"I don't…I could never leave you." He said, sounding more confused than I'd ever heard him before. "That's all I know for certain – I could never leave you," he whispered. It broke my heart slightly, because I knew if I was pregnant with Tennisons baby – I didn't even remember his first name – I couldn't just not give birth. Yet at the same time my heart revolted at the very idea of pushing this mans baby out of me.

"I'm scared," I whispered. He hugged me tighter, and he didn't need to say anything for me to know that he was as scared as I was.

.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Annalisa Bertucci, Caralise Mulciber, Adelaide Vicknair/Black, Caryn Gree, and other misc. OC's.

**A/N:** hahaha…hi everybody! I guess I'm back. Apparently when life sucks instead of turning into a sobbing mess (though that did happen for two days straight) I start writing to distract myself. So…expect something soonish if my love life continues to shit on my face. :D

Anyway, another dark chapter, sorry about that, but I'm pretty positive that the rest of this portion of the story is going to be as depressing as hell, so read in small doses like the Doctor ordered. (:

Hope you all are fairing better than I am at the moment :p much love,

B.E. Nomads


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